Real World Dating: Weight is Not the Issue, Emotional Intelligence Is

Copyright 2014          Aleasa M. Word     All Rights Reserved

I’ve heard countless people over the years describe how terrific a person was and then comes the…”but if  they only lost a little weight or I can’t do people that size.”  I find it funny that people would rather spend the rest of their lives alone or miserable with others then date someone who was a few pounds over their normal preference.  Don’t get me wrong I know we all have our negotiables and non-negotiables when it comes to dating but sometimes you have to take a long hard look at yourself and ask this question…. REALLY? 

When we seek to date others in our younger years we tend to be very outward looking in selection of a mate. As we age, most of us begin to look at the content of a person’s character. Realistically, if  the only thing standing between you and the object of your affection is 25 pounds that’s not a deal breaker if you are willing to be kind enough and loving enough to help them get healthier.  In fact, it may be that the reason they've not taken the plunge into the abyss of exercise is they've not had an incentive that was compelling enough for them to do so.  The truth is, sometimes a new relationship is all the reason a person needs.  It is also quite comedic to me when the people who have these biases have some shortcomings of their own.  Perhaps you don’t look as youthful as you THINK you do. Perhaps you have some financial issues that may be a turnoff for another person. Maybe you have a few too many kids for the other person’s liking but they are willing to accept you anyway. 

We are quick to judge others by the standards of the world when we don’t even look at ourselves the same way.  What if someone looked at you and said I don’t date people who have crooked teeth? Or maybe they don’t date people who've been married before.  At a certain point in life we should look to what really matters and that is happiness.  For those seeking a relationship, the question becomes what will it take for you to be happy with a mate? If you’re over 40 and you’re alone, it’s worth pondering, especially if you've had relationship failures in the past. Are you looking for the wrong things? Do you even know what you’re looking for? Are you looking for a man or woman with a 6 figure income when you don’t even have one? Are you looking for the supermodel body when you don’t have a supermodel body or face?  It’s no secret we want what we want but what can we offer in return?

About a year ago I talked to a woman who was absolutely gorgeous.  She was a little over weight and very self-conscious about her body.  She had a man she was in love with but knew the only reason he’d never been interested was because of her size.  He preferred slimmer women. The thing that made me roll my eyes is that every woman he ever dealt with was pretty slim but they all ended up being (for lack of a better term) crazy as hell.  This man continued to endure bad relationship after bad relationship even going back to some of them because he was seeking a body image all while this beautiful young woman sat on the sidelines waiting for him.  It was heartbreaking and all I could say is “loving yourself more will show the man who truly deserves you how lucky he is when he meets you.”  I’m happy to say that she finally gave up on this guy who is still looking for Ms. Right and she met a man who adores her literally one month after we spoke.  The most amazing thing is she’s lost about 50 pounds because she and Mr. Wonderful go for long walks every night.  That’s all it took for this incredible lady….was to love herself enough to meet someone worthy of her love. 

There are way too many dating sites out today. There are way too many people writing letters to radio personalities and too many people on bachelor shows looking for love.  If we could only look to what really matters instead of this fantasy that is built on airbrushed people in media, we’d all find love faster and be happier when it comes to relationships.