Are Social Media & Technology Killing Kids' Social Skills?

Copyright 2014    Aleasa M. Word     All Rights Reserved


LOL, SMH, ROTFLMAO, OOMF, SMH, BTW, IJS….. What does it all mean? Ask anyone from tweens to those in their thirties and most likely they’ll be able to spout off those and a whole lot more. At first look, being able to shoot someone a quick text message seemed stupid to those in the 40 something age group. I mean why not call people to tell them what you want to say right? Eventually our busy lives took over and so did texting. Then the 50 and even  60 something crowd got in on it. They’ve even managed to make up their own text language with LOL meaning lots of love instead of laughing out loud. I couldn’t figure out for the longest why my step mother kept laughing out loud at things that were serious like one of my children being sick or funerals at the church we attend. After a while I caught on and had to make sure she was up to speed too before she insulted someone by mistake.

As innocuous as it seems,  texting, instant messaging, email,  updating statuses and the like can cause great issue when misinterpreted or used maliciously.  First question, does anyone talk anymore? Kids get bullied through cyber bullying. People make death threats through social media. People co-parent through their iphones.  Seriously, can this get any more ridiculous? And then people send things that are mean only to delete them because they think that removes the record of it.  No matter how much we think we can erase these things they still leave a marker that can be found by authorities if a crime takes place. Even sexting (texting about sexually explicit things or sending naked/sexual pictures) is landing people in jail and getting people placed on sex offender lists everywhere. Ummmm…..be careful what you forward folks because it might cause you to get a knock on your door from the police.

People used to know how to disagree or even argue and get to the root of their problem .  Now, they just go and blast you on the hottest social site of the day. All of your personal business is out there and the others hiding behind their screens are like the instigators of olden days egging on the fight. For many of us “old  heads” as they call us we know how to resolve a conflict (or I hope you do) but we’re not teaching our younger generations to do the same. These people can’t handle it and even end up killing themselves or people who were once their friends.

I used to think being mean was something we taught people. Racism is taught, but it appears that being mean is almost natural and goes all the way back to our pre-school years. As a toddler,  if you want a toy, you snatch it from another kid (so what if you push them backwards to get it). If that doesn’t, work you bite them until they release it. We teach children this is wrong and they must learn to be nice. We teach them to have manners and that being rude is definitely wrong. But what happens when the parents themselves are victims of this untaught generation who now has no real social skills because to have a conversation they literally text in the same room? What happens when these people have children and their children end up with the children of those who know you must TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO BE NICE? Am I talking about all of them – no! But you know the deal, one bad apple spoils the whole bunch and I’m seeing more and more bad apples popping up daily!

Are people too sure of themselves when it comes to their own children or other relatives? Honestly, away from our site children and adults alike can turn into people we don’t even know. We like to think that we know how far our relatives will go when it comes to acting out – don’t we know their limits?  What a misconception that is for all of us! When these people we put so much hope into really begin to come into their own, the personalities they display in front of us can at times be starkly different from what is displayed in front of others.  Sometimes these changes are survival tactics they must take on in a mean world and sometimes they’ve just learned to con us! Most kids however, don’t want to disappoint their parents by fail to control the impulses to not be so nice with others or take risks and mask this in front of parents.  Though there are those adults who know their children are terrible and blame others for their behavior.

For adults this can be the same in that they don’t want their family members or peers to be disappointed in them IF and only IF they know it is wrong.  Think about it. How many times have you seen someone on the news who has committed a terrible crime and the parents said they’d never believe their child would do that? Or what about the neighbors that know them for years and stand in disbelief at what they’ve done as they give their account to the newscaster?   Truth is we never really know how people act 100% of the time unless we are with them 100% of the time. That only usually happens when they’re infants or up until school age when they go off into the world with the rest of the children trying to figure it all out.

This morning I listened to a popular radio show as I drove into the city. They were in the middle of a conversation about children when I tuned in. They noted how children today have so much to do inside of the house there’s no reason to go outside. They even suggested going outside should be the punishment so they’re away from all digital devices and forced to use their minds. I scratched my head as I thought “punishment?” How sad that sending someone outside would need to be looked at that way but  what’s a parent to do? Clearly the point is if they were given more time without manufactured ideas of fun (video games, television, dvd players) they’d have to use their own brain. You know the part of the brain that doesn’t get used much anymore? The part of the brain that would force them to think and figure things out. This same part of the brain is what they need to use for conflict resolution skills. It is dying off because we are not forcing our children to use something they are already equipped with.  For some parents this is not optimal because they don’t live the best neighborhoods but there needs to be some alternative to the brain drain we’re allowing to happen.

All of this makes me think of the term ANGRY MIMES! I see painted faces everywhere. I see faces with a fake smile or even no expression at all on them while people are hurting inside and have no clue how to deal with it. They are angry, hurt, confused and don’t even possess the tools to let you know what is wrong until they self-destruct and hurt others or themselves.  We are creating generations of them based on what we think is a better way of life. We are even converting  the older ones as we slowly shut down that thinking part of their brain that uses socialization to deal with conflict resolution. We are saying “hey , no need to talk anymore – just instant message,  text or update a status.” If the older ones get on board the “don’t use your brain bus” then of course seeing the younger ones doing it is not an issue right? Again the difference is that the older ones know how to do it but can choose not to. The younger people don’t have that opportunity. They can’t use what they don’t know they have. And because we haven’t shown them their own power it’s not even within their reach to choose to not use that part of their reasoning skills.

In the meantime, lots of folks have great ideas about how to tell you to raise or deal with these folks and handle the problems. There are plenty of medical professionals waiting for you! But do we want to use these well qualified people for something we have the power to do something about or for those specialized instances where they can truly put their expertise to use? We have lost sight of our own God given talent to figure things out, resolve conflict, communicate effectively and love both efficiently and effectively in most instances.  We are not teaching people how to be people. We are allowing an uncivilized nature to take over.

No more angry mimes for me! Will I stop communicating through my iphone, email or computer – no! But what I can tell you is I’ll be doing more talking, less texting and hopefully the return of real communication can change the way we interact for the good of all.


Photo: Link Humans/Flickr

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