dating, ghosting and everything in between

Photo by Monica Silva on Unsplash

Copyright 2019    by Aleasa Word
Repost permitted with attribution and backlink

Dating in today's world can be crazy as hell yet for some it can be simply amazing.  There was a time that dating was just about meeting new people when you were out in public.  Then the online boom happened and people were all over the internet trying to find the perfect love. Being a person who was married and then finding this online boom post-divorce, I must say the struggle has been real.

There are so many ways to connect with people online that one would think it would be easy to find the person of their dreams; yet, for many it has become like a trek through a desert, forest and mountain climbing along with a swim across the ocean all at the same time where survival of the fittest is truly the mantra. First off, there are a ton of dating sites to select from and it can be overwhelming to find just the right one that fits your personality and budget. After you find the right one, you have to ask yourself if you have the stamina and finances to support this new habit of online dating which can be costly if you select paid dating sites that claim to match you with your perfect mate for a fee.  There is no attempt to bash the sites because they are just doing their best to offer a service…but when human behavior takes over, things can get sketchy.  Some of the more popular sites like Tinder, Match, Elite Singles, Bumble Zoosk and Hinge plug along with the infamous swipe game where people can swipe one direction for like and the other direction for get the heck out of here as they try to find the right person to start talking to.

After some weeding and seeding,  people usually find some folks they have a little interest in and the race begins to see how fast you can find out if the person you meet is truly who they say they are or if they’re a  fake taking advantage of a perfectly good site meant for love.  An example of that was recently reported about a case in Georgia where one of those fakes conned a lady out of  $80,000 because she thought she met the man of her dreams.  Admittedly his con happened really fast from what the news reported so without all the details I’d have to wonder what this poor lady was thinking as she sought out love. 

Once you finally weed out the ones you THINK are conning you, don’t get too comfortable. There is the serial ghoster waiting in the wings to break your confidence in goodness even more. These are the ones who date you a few times in some case months and decide one day they don’t want to deal with you anymore. Instead of being mature enough to say “hey I don’t think this is going to work out” they simply disappear. They stop calling, texting and coming around. At first, you may think, hey did they get hit by a bus or are they sick but when you peruse social media, you see them posting away so you realize you got GHOSTED! 

If you’ve developed feelings for them it’s like a gut punch without closure. If you haven’t developed any real feelings but started getting used to them it is still a hit that makes you really question your own ability to select dates. Often times you think this person at least is a pretty good friend so your friendship feelings can get hurt too because simply said, ghosting is just downright rude.  In many of these cases, you may have even asked them earlier if they feel it’s not their thing to let you know and the selfishness in them keeps them in the ring. Sadly though, when people ghost they often don’t think they owe anyone an explanation. That couldn’t be further from the truth.  To be honest when someone has trusted you to be a part of the most personal part of themselves you do at least owe them a goodbye even if it’s in a text message. People who do this usually have a tough time doing what they beleve is hurting others feelings when in fact you hurt feelings more by disappearing instead of simply saying it's not going to work. Many think by saying that they open themselves up to a ton of questions they don't want to answer but those they really don't have to answer. Once they've said this is not the thing for them, they've at least closed the loop and anything else is a bonus. 
​
If you can make it through that and still find someone in the dating game who is genuine you have made it to the winner's circle. And I truly wish you and your new mate well because you have officially beat the odds and are off to a great start to a good future. CHEERS!  

---