Close the Door, Your Skeletons are Falling Out: On Judging Others

By Aleasa M. Word
All Rights Reserved

How many times have you heard people gossiping about other people as if they were better than them? You know the type - those holier than thou folks that we all claim to not like. What about when we become that snooty, I’m better than you person? How can we not recognize this despised trait within our own selves yet continuously see it in others?

As time goes on, memories of things we’ve done in our past sometimes conveniently slip away. Even if we remember, we somehow manage to justify why behaviors were acceptable when we engaged in them.  We become quite the expert in giving a run down on the extenuating circumstances or even minimize the deviance of our behaviors. We then go on to shift the focus from ourselves to the person we are bashing or looking down our noses at.

The reality is we all came from somewhere to get to where we are today. There are many parents, aunts, uncles and other relatives who have loads of old skeletons in their closets trying to spill their way back out into view of others. Those people are usually ashamed of their wayward years as young adults and do their best to keep these things hidden.  Does it really help anyone when we decide to hide those past behaviors? People often look over their shoulder, telling lies to cover up lies to appear perfect on the surface.

Too many times in life, we hear references to breaking the cycle. How do we break those cycles of generations full of bad or not so good behaviors? Certainly forgetting where we came from and looking down on others doesn’t appear to be the right way. But what is the answer? How do we allow the secrets to come out and avoid humiliation or our children thinking what’s good for the goose is good for the gander? What impact do we have on others who we don’t even know when we act like we’ve always been upstanding?

A great deal of people are turned off from some very nice religious choices for these very reasons. Some people shake, rattle and roll on Sundays forgetting all about their past indiscretions. Some of those indiscretions were even from the night before. Now don’t get me wrong, everyone has a right to change and hopefully for the better. But does that entitle them to feel as though they are now superior to others who are currently where they used to be? Or does it really mean because they were there they should be more helpful and understanding of others in that position?

Isn’t it the role of people to help other people? With that thought, couldn’t the mere fact that you’ve made some mistakes be the help some people need? Even theologians know Jesus surrounded himself with the less than desirables in an effort to pull them away from what they were doing wrong. He never looked down on them or proclaimed he was better. He most definitely didn’t do as many people today do by misusing the scriptures when the word refers to a passage that says “come out from amongst them” just to have an excuse to look down on them.

We all have had things we aren’t proud of that are part of the who we are now. It is those things that should keep us humble and allow us compassion towards our fellow man or woman when they slip. If we could only embrace people by remembering back to how we thought or felt during our less than virtuous times, perhaps we could be of better service to others.  It is no secret that our minds don’t even think the same way at 22 as they would at 42. Knowing that surely speaks to the fact that young people need guidance. Who better to guide them then someone who has been there? The guidance, however should come without judging but with love and compassion.

For all of the parents looking appallingly at their children, don’t forget those late nights filled with underage drinking and dangerous liaisons that perhaps you or some of your friends may have engaged in. No one is condoning or encouraging such behavior, but having some understanding may be the difference between connecting which can draw someone out of that life or disconnecting and pushing them further into it.