Copyright 2014        Aleasa M. Word              All Rights Reserved

 - Share the video  & Buy Your "helpdonthurt tee shirt.  $5.00 of each sale will be donated to the domestic violence coalition www.teespring.com/helpdonthurt-

My heart is heavy every time I hear another story of a domestic violence situation.  Whether they involve celebrities or every day people like you and me it is heartbreaking. Domestic violence tears apart families and communities and can leave life long scars on both the victims and perpetrator as well as be fatal in some severe instances. Today I challenge you to join me in a new campaign called "Help Don't Hurt."  Whether you've been a victim, abuser or a bystander, we can all contribute positively to the healing of those still living in the cycle. Don't judge the victims as stupid or weak. They need support from everyone to help them see what is best for them not condescending words that will make someone who already feels bad about a situation feel worse. Spread the word! #helpdonthurt

Copyright 2014  by   Aleasa M. Word   All Rights Reserved

So many people have been outraged recently about the deaths of young African American males it’s not funny. There are people who typically ignore some of the things going on that have to stand up and take notice with all of the viral videos on YouTube, Facebook and other social media sites.  As much as many people don’t want to face it, whether privately or in front of others we are asking ourselves “is it possible that I’m a racist too?”

When people think of racism they automatically think of a deep seated hatred towards people of color. Not many realize that whites too can be discriminated against because of the color of their skin.  In most cases that I’ve had experience with however, the hatred towards whites has been as a direct result of the treatment of people of color instead of hating them simply for their white skin alone.

Either way you look at it hate is wrong! Racial profiling is wrong. Stereotyping of any kind due to race, gender, sexual orientation or even financial status is wrong.  And though outwardly we know this, many people still walk around with prejudices against people of color. But how do you know if you are a racist? How do you know if you possesses the qualities of someone in that category?

The first thing to do is to be open to facing who you really are and what you believe in. Then you have to ask yourself where your beliefs came from- were they inherited or based on experiences in your life?  Dictionary.com describes  a racist as a person who believes in racism, the doctrine that a certain human race is superior to any or all others. You might be thinking “I don’t believe my race is superior to others.” But is that really true?  Do you look down on other people instantly that you wouldn’t look down on if they were not of color? In a case of a theft in your office would you immediately suspect the minority cleaning staff assuming they must be hard up? Now that could be because of race or class but if you had to choose between the black cleaning lady and the white one, who would you trust more asily to clean your office if your wallet was on the desk? When you work at a mall do you instantly think non-whites hanging around window shopping need to be watched more closely? If you’re in a car pull up next to a vehicle of minority teens listening to music (at a reasonable volume) do you instantly catch an attitude or shake your head but know that you wouldn’t do the same if they were white teens? Would you assume the white teens were having fun but the minority teens must be up to something?

If any of those scenarios are you might be a victim of a race washed brain! The truth is we all walk around with various unconscious biases. Does this always make us a bad person? Of course not. Many people simply don’t even realize their thinking is not fair or equal. So you may be thinking…that’s crazy they should know! In all honesty if a person was raised in a town where everyone looked like them, talked like them and lived like them while the only images they saw of minorities were on the 6 o’clock news , what else would they think? There are some families who actively teach racist behaviors to their kids but in a lot of cases the teaching or racist behaviors is passive or in the subconscious. Everything from doll babies to images of Santa Clause and Jesus are traditionally white. Many minority parents have to go the extra mile to get dolls that look like their kids but we don’t see non-minority parents go the extra mile as often to buy minority dolls to give their kids a real sense of what the world looks like.

So here are some check yourself questions to think about. They don’t make you a bad person but instead a REAL person who is looking to make a change in the current landscape of racial inequality in today’s world. Look at yourself as someone who is willing to see who they are, challenge their own belief systems and learn to embrace people for who they are instead of what they look like on the surface.

1.)   What is your initial feeling when you see a group of minority teens hanging around? Ask the same if you were to see white teens.

2.)   What is your initial feeling if you are the only non-minority on a full elevator? Is it fear, disgust, anger, resentment or maybe nothing at all? Ask yourself the same question if it were a elevator full of non-minorities. Why do you feel how you do?

3.)   What is your initial thought behind the reasons why a black male would get shot if you hear it on the news? Would you think the same of a non-minority? What if you found out it was a kid walking down a quiet block but he was black? Would you think he must have done something wrong and THEN wait for the answer?

4.)   What would your initial reaction be if you saw a non-minority woman out with 5 or 6 small children? Would you have the same reaction if they were non-minority? Would you consider they could be watching their nieces or nephews or perhaps a daycare worker? Would you immediately think they were a single mom with a bunch of baby’s daddies? If you saw a white woman in the same shape, would you immediately think “she and her husband have been busy?”

The way we perceive others is always based on a belief system we either inherited or developed because of life’s experiences.  Our belief systems, however are not without fault. To make this world a better place for all of us we could each benefit from checking what we believe and why. A black doctor in scrubs is no different from that doctor wearing his street clothes except in some places he may not be respected because his position  does not outweigh his color.  If he were to be harassed or hurt and later found out he was a prestigious physician, the mindset would be “oh, I didn’t know that” as if somehow the position dominates the value of human life. Wake up America, we all have some work to do on ourselves.

Copyright 2014  Aleasa M. Word  All Rights Reserved 

It seems like every day we see another family on the news who left a child or children in a hot car.  Unfortunately, some of the children aren’t found in time and we end up with yet another American tragedy. In some rare cases, it is found to be intentional,  but in others it’s been simply an accident of epic proportion.

I pose the question…what the heck is happening in our country? How is it that we are forgetting kids in cars? Is this a new phenomenon or is it just that the media has found a new spin and is creating a trend that isn’t really a trend at all, but just terrible mishaps?

I’m not the expert in this field,  but I will say busy parents can see how it could happen. All of this news makes me think back to when my own children were smaller, that could have been me! Certainly I’m not speaking about the cases when things are done intentionally, but the accidental issues could happen to any of us. In fact I remember changing childcare centers for my own child at one point and driving to the one we previously used only to remember when I pulled up that I was at the wrong place.  I felt horrible. How could I forget where my own child was?

We are simply on overload and instead of making people out to be bad parents, we should be looking at ways to help people. Jobs are harder to find in many areas of the country than in the past and we are working longer hours. Many of us are commuting two hours or more a day to get to and from a job just to spend a large percentage of our paychecks on commuter expenses and childcare. Are we really living or simply surviving? Does the end justify the means? Has inflation and the need to keep up with current trends turned us into faulty machines stuck on autopilot?

I recently read the Out of Reach Study from the National Low Income Housing Coalition. It noted in 48 US states a worker making minimum wage cannot afford a 2 bedroom apartment. Now that’s stressful! Imagine being that worker who has a child or two and you can’t get childcare nor can you can afford a decent place to live. Where do you work? How do you go back to school? What is you just aren’t college material or can’t get into a trade school because you still need a paycheck and can’t afford to go to school full time? What do you do? Many work two or more jobs functioning off of exhaustion every day. In light of all the stress related to this lifestyle, it’s no wonder some people are at wits end.

It is not acceptable to leave a young child in a car in the heat or cold. These are some of the statements I’ve heard in news reports when it happens:  

•  My kid was up all night and finally went to sleep in the car. I just need to grab a carton of milk in the store.
  

• My parents/friend/mate doesn’t usually take or drop off my kids and they forgot because the child went to sleep in the back
  

• I needed to find a job because I’m about to be (or am) homeless and had no one to watch the kids
  

How sad is it that these are real statements? How sad is it that these people’s minds are so preoccupied by traffic, fear of homelessness, exhaustion and more that we simply can’t remember our kids?

Instead of judging anyone, I challenge everyone who knows someone with kids to shut up, step up and open up their hearts to help. We have lost the help my neighbor way in today’s world. Much is because it seems we can’t trust people with our kids but it certainly can’t hurt when your neighbor knows who you are to offer to pick up some groceries for them. How about offering to walk their dog? For people who are capable of doing so and going in the same direction,  carpooling can even be an option. And for parents, please do all you can to make reminders for yourselves.  Create an alarm, wear a special bracelet, put a stuffed toy on the passenger seat…anything! 

Children being injured or dying can happen accidentally. However, if we can do anything at all to help each other…let’s put our energy where our mouths and judgments are and step up! 

Photo: Ben Francis/Flickr

Copyright 2014     Aleasa M. Word      All Rights Reserved

Society and our stubborn minds would have us thinking once we make a choice or decision, we're married to it forever.  We sometimes want to do things differently or even have new beliefs but we are addicted to the BS of life that says we must not be wishy washy and stick to whatever decisions we make in life.

It is this same scattered thinking that keeps people in bad relationships and jobs where we are being bullied, passed over or simply unsatisfied.  I believe our parents meant well when teaching us to stick to our decisions but there is more to go with that statement that we may not have been taught so well. The comparative is to a child playing an instrument.  A parent allows the child to play and every few weeks the child wants to play a new instrument because they are either bored or the challenge has become too much for them to bare.  Because we want our children to succeed and learn about following things through, we push on to teach them once you make a decision you must simply see it through to the end.  What we forget to say is once you make a "long, hard thought , all angles considered" decision it would be best to see it through.  And because we don't phrase it that way, people grow up their entire life believing they can NEVER stop doing something because it no longer serves their needs, but instead must finish it because that's what "good folks" do. 

I like to tell my clients that we sometimes should think like the government (yes that could be scary).  When they are making a decision about war or any military conflict they look at data on the ground at that moment. They plan and prepare their course of action according to the data they have at that time and the probability that they will win at whatever the conflict is.  Subsequently, when the data or intelligence changes as time goes on they are forced to make a new decision based on the new data.  This is not a wishy washy move, but instead a very calculated one as they sift through the rubble that is military decision making.  This rubble also permeates our lives.  In our personal lives the rubble we must sift through consists of past relationship failures, baggage from growing up, baggage from kids we went to school with and so on.  Sifting through the muck and myer of it all can be tiring, painful and seem to go on without any useless end in sight.  But it is the gem we find in the midst of the rubble that can set us on the path to a new journey of joy, balance and prosperity in life.  If we can just sift through the mess to find what we really want, who we really are and throw out the old ways and beliefs that no longer serve us we could emerge so much better in the end.  The fear is that if we let go of the old stuff we own that we will judged. Sadly, the only person judging us the most harshly is ourselves because we've imposed our beliefs about the world onto ourselves and we don't like it. 

Today is a new day and yesterday can stay right where it's at.  You can decide THIS DAY to be someone else. You can decide THIS DAY to own a new belief system that serves you as the "YOU "you are now as opposed to the person you were many years ago in your parent's home, workplace or with that old (or current ) mate.  The problem is we are afraid of this change because we will face resistance from others who are comfortable with us being uncomfortable in life.  For true friends and people who have your best interest at hand they will surely welcome the change you didn't even know they were waiting on from you. You have a right to make new decisions based on new data and keep it moving. You have a right to not have to explain why you are making better, more informed choices.  The response to the questions is simply "life is too short not to try other directions when you have data to show you how to get there."

Stop making the excuses "this is who I've always been" and instead look at who your are becoming.


Photo: Celestine Chua/Flickr