Copyright 2014  by   Aleasa M. Word   All Rights Reserved

So many people have been outraged recently about the deaths of young African American males it’s not funny. There are people who typically ignore some of the things going on that have to stand up and take notice with all of the viral videos on YouTube, Facebook and other social media sites.  As much as many people don’t want to face it, whether privately or in front of others we are asking ourselves “is it possible that I’m a racist too?”

When people think of racism they automatically think of a deep seated hatred towards people of color. Not many realize that whites too can be discriminated against because of the color of their skin.  In most cases that I’ve had experience with however, the hatred towards whites has been as a direct result of the treatment of people of color instead of hating them simply for their white skin alone.

Either way you look at it hate is wrong! Racial profiling is wrong. Stereotyping of any kind due to race, gender, sexual orientation or even financial status is wrong.  And though outwardly we know this, many people still walk around with prejudices against people of color. But how do you know if you are a racist? How do you know if you possesses the qualities of someone in that category?

The first thing to do is to be open to facing who you really are and what you believe in. Then you have to ask yourself where your beliefs came from- were they inherited or based on experiences in your life?  Dictionary.com describes  a racist as a person who believes in racism, the doctrine that a certain human race is superior to any or all others. You might be thinking “I don’t believe my race is superior to others.” But is that really true?  Do you look down on other people instantly that you wouldn’t look down on if they were not of color? In a case of a theft in your office would you immediately suspect the minority cleaning staff assuming they must be hard up? Now that could be because of race or class but if you had to choose between the black cleaning lady and the white one, who would you trust more asily to clean your office if your wallet was on the desk? When you work at a mall do you instantly think non-whites hanging around window shopping need to be watched more closely? If you’re in a car pull up next to a vehicle of minority teens listening to music (at a reasonable volume) do you instantly catch an attitude or shake your head but know that you wouldn’t do the same if they were white teens? Would you assume the white teens were having fun but the minority teens must be up to something?

If any of those scenarios are you might be a victim of a race washed brain! The truth is we all walk around with various unconscious biases. Does this always make us a bad person? Of course not. Many people simply don’t even realize their thinking is not fair or equal. So you may be thinking…that’s crazy they should know! In all honesty if a person was raised in a town where everyone looked like them, talked like them and lived like them while the only images they saw of minorities were on the 6 o’clock news , what else would they think? There are some families who actively teach racist behaviors to their kids but in a lot of cases the teaching or racist behaviors is passive or in the subconscious. Everything from doll babies to images of Santa Clause and Jesus are traditionally white. Many minority parents have to go the extra mile to get dolls that look like their kids but we don’t see non-minority parents go the extra mile as often to buy minority dolls to give their kids a real sense of what the world looks like.

So here are some check yourself questions to think about. They don’t make you a bad person but instead a REAL person who is looking to make a change in the current landscape of racial inequality in today’s world. Look at yourself as someone who is willing to see who they are, challenge their own belief systems and learn to embrace people for who they are instead of what they look like on the surface.

1.)   What is your initial feeling when you see a group of minority teens hanging around? Ask the same if you were to see white teens.

2.)   What is your initial feeling if you are the only non-minority on a full elevator? Is it fear, disgust, anger, resentment or maybe nothing at all? Ask yourself the same question if it were a elevator full of non-minorities. Why do you feel how you do?

3.)   What is your initial thought behind the reasons why a black male would get shot if you hear it on the news? Would you think the same of a non-minority? What if you found out it was a kid walking down a quiet block but he was black? Would you think he must have done something wrong and THEN wait for the answer?

4.)   What would your initial reaction be if you saw a non-minority woman out with 5 or 6 small children? Would you have the same reaction if they were non-minority? Would you consider they could be watching their nieces or nephews or perhaps a daycare worker? Would you immediately think they were a single mom with a bunch of baby’s daddies? If you saw a white woman in the same shape, would you immediately think “she and her husband have been busy?”

The way we perceive others is always based on a belief system we either inherited or developed because of life’s experiences.  Our belief systems, however are not without fault. To make this world a better place for all of us we could each benefit from checking what we believe and why. A black doctor in scrubs is no different from that doctor wearing his street clothes except in some places he may not be respected because his position  does not outweigh his color.  If he were to be harassed or hurt and later found out he was a prestigious physician, the mindset would be “oh, I didn’t know that” as if somehow the position dominates the value of human life. Wake up America, we all have some work to do on ourselves.

Copyright 2014                    Aleasa M. Word                 All Rights Reserved

Life can be so hard on us sometimes and though we try to understand things, it’s not always within our ability to do so.  For some people it is an intellectual ceiling that stops them and for others it is a lack of experience in certain areas of life.

I recently did a 12 hour car drive. This was the first time in my life that I ever drove any place over 3 hours away.  Being a bridge phobic person,  I was constantly thinking about the span near my home town that I’d have to go over. A fear of bridges has been something I’ve dealt with on and off for most of my life. There were times when I mostly overcame it only to be back on the side of “I’m not driving over that thing.”  In this case, because of family events I needed to get home. With two kids in tow and the possibility of having to take my dog who didn’t have a vet certification for a flight on such short notice, driving was the only option. 

I psyched myself up the entire ride saying this made no sense and I’d have no choice once I got to the span.  My sister, one of the few people who know I was driving home, knew about my issue and told me she’d meet me if I had a problem.  In my mind I thought of how stupid I’d feel calling saying “I’m on the other side of the span, come meet me I’ll wait a half hour for you even though this thing is only 2 minutes long.”  The moment of truth came as I reached the span sooner than I thought (it was hiding around a curve) and I started to panic. I had to pretend to be calm because my daughter was in the back seat watching my every move. I knew she was afraid for me.  I proceeded to drive over it and started driving slower and slower as I concentrated on breathing in and out.  It seemed like this thing quadrupled in length since the last time I’d been over it and the lanes were more narrow than I remembered.  Cars were annoyed and whizzing by. Some drivers were probably just as nervous as me and simply wanted to get off of that thing.  Eventually I made it.  Once I did,  my daughter said “I was praying for you the whole time, but I was also thinking if she’s scared why not drive faster and get off of it?”  I laughed in a kind of “ok smarty pants” way because she didn’t understand my issue.

At that point I realized I didn’t understand my issue either. I didn’t understand how these structures were built to withstand and support vehicles.  I didn’t understand the human body’s panic mode. I didn’t understand the very thing I used to get through it and that was a deep breathing technique that I just knew worked but not why it worked.  I wondered if I had a better understanding of bridge structures and phobias if I’d of done better.

This same lack of understanding spills over into other parts of life like prejudices people carry towards minorities, economically challenged, people in the LGBT community , single parents, the aged and even young people. If we don’t understand them as individuals it is easy for us to thereby create judgments based on stereotypes we see in the news, hear from others or perhaps from one bad experience with someone that fit their description if not careful.

A recent story in the news about the Clippers basketball team’s owner Don Sterling is an “I don’t understand” story.  He dates a bi-racial woman who recently released a recording  of what is supposed to be him saying he doesn’t want her bring blacks to his games.  The whole thing doesn’t appear to make sense to some because he’s dating a bi-racial woman.  Well plenty of people date outside of their race because their mate is the “ok” person but still hold prejudices for various reasons they don’t even understand themselves.  It’s no different than people judging poor people but dating a person who once was poor and they think they’ve dusted them off and made them the “ok poor person.” There are also others who date people way older than themselves because “they are special” but if another does it, it’s not right.  The list goes on and on.

In life we will never fully understand others. What we can do instead is face our own fears of misunderstanding and learn to have compassion and empathy for others. We can become confident in ourselves so that we accept differences as long as they aren’t hurting others at their own expense.  These fears  can even cause us to be diminished in our capacity to accept good people in relationships because we are afraid of what will happen and often don’t allow ourselves to love you must take risks. 

Fear is a unique driver of many negative behaviors and we know it exists but still allow it to control us.  We don’t understand fear and how we can use it for good thereby cancelling the need to allow them to paralyze us or hinder us from a greater sense of self and self-worth.

Photo : Doug Wheller/Flickr