Online Dating: Is it for the Desperate or Driven?

Copyright 2015       Aleasa M. Word     All Rights Reserved

Ok, the jig is up and I’ll admit it....I’ve had a profile or two on an online site before. I have friends who have met people and got married…happily married no less. My posting was more out of curiosity over anything and then it became “hmmm, let me see if I’ve still got that mojo.”  Eventually, it went to …..hey, I could pick up some new clients on here, because some of these guys could use some “relationship readiness coaching.” LOL

About 10 years ago if you asked me about online dating, I’d of given you the gas face and asked if you were crazy. Wait…I was still unhappily married then, so maybe I’d of just rolled my eyes at you. In any event, I would have thought it was for desperate people who couldn’t find a date and they had to get online because it was their last shot. Perhaps at that time maybe that is what was happening but somewhere, somehow, the people behind the sites knew the secret. They knew that they could convince people that they NEEDED to be on the site and they could find the people they WANTED to be with if they just joined.  Fees, would range from free to $40 a month for some sites. I could hear people I knew saying “I’m going to have to pay for the date, I have to pay to meet them too?” 

Fast forward to 2015 and I get it. I mean I really get it. There is an old saying you get what you pay for and if you go on many of the free sites…well don’t get mad if you’re disappointed at the results. It’s not to say that some people on those aren’t serious, because they are but there is something to be said about those willing to pay a monthly fee for at least 6 months to find true love. The sites have come a long way in adding compatibility checkers in an effort to help people not waste time. There are sites that cater to the food allergic, friends with benefits, the LGBT community, various minority communities, single parents and even religious communities. You name it, and it’s out there for the picking. So there’s no excuse for people to still be lonely….or is there?

The truth is there are a lot of busy professionals who just don’t go to clubs or have time at social events to pick up a potential date. Dating is looked at as a business. The sites are more of an RFP so you can put it out there, vet for the best offers and pick the one that makes the most sense in the shortest amount of time. With that in mind, why are people still embarrassed to say “hey, look at me, I’m on a dating site” or “yes, I met my love on a dating site?”  I guess it is really about the views and biases we have towards others that we ultimately project on ourselves. By saying we are on a site somehow in the back of our minds says “I just couldn’t get anyone decent to look at me on the street.” In reality that is nothing less than pure, unadulterated bulls*it!  People are busy. People don’t have time to play games. People want you to take the time to tell people who you are an what you are in hopes that by you taking the time to do so, you are less likely to be for lack of a better term a complete “jerk.” Partial jerks are ok (just kidding).

Don’t be fooled into thinking by going on a site you won’t find some of the same issues you find in dating offline, because you will. There are some who don’t mind paying money online to play with people’s emotions because they have NOTHING BETTER TO DO WITH THEIR LIFE OR MONEY.  Why you’d waste it is a mystery to me, but they are there – female and male. And there will be those with baby mama, baby daddy, emotional baggage, financial drama and more.  It just may be a little easier to spot earlier. There will be some people you meet who could end up being a good friend if all else fails; but, you’ll never know unless you try it.

As for me, I’m still waiting for Mr. Wonderful.  Both offline and online dating, I’ve had conversations with some “Mr. He’s Ok, Mr. I Like You But It’s Not Love, Mr. Hey Never Call Me Again Please.” Right now I’m dealing with a  “Mr. Let’s See Where This Goes” so who knows  what will happen next.

In the meantime, whether online or offline dating, be careful and reserve judgment until you get to know who people are. Take your time because real love isn’t rushed.

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