When Jessie Williams Pulled Strong Black Women Out of the Trash Pile

When Jessie Williams Pulled strong black women out of the trash pile

 bby Aleasa M. Word  
​Copyright 2016                               

​(A portion derived from my  previous facebook post)

The world heard actor Jesse Wiliams like the shot heard round the world on the BET awards last week. There are some opinions saying he is dividing the world others that he is unifying the African American community and another school of thought that say he is continuing to shed light on disparities minorities feel.

My ears during his speech stopped at his words about black women. As a divorced mom of three I’ve felt the weight of generations of women before and probably generations of women after me. His words brought tears to my eyes because on that day one person heard the tears that stream down my face when I have to take care of my children and the world's children. One person heard the sighs of the days I’ve had to go into an office and pick up after people who would rather tell me to kiss their ass than to say good morning. One person heard the pride and dignity of a woman who had a grandmother wipe the behinds of children who could go into stores she was not allowed into and then have to raise children of her own only to see generations of our own men later not have respect for the same types of black women. On that night one person spoke to the women who went from slaves to mammy’s to cleaning ladies to secretaries to baby mamas to video vixens and bitches with attitudes. It brought me to tears thinking how many times we as black women have been disrespected throughout history. Black men get their fair share of crap dumped on them too, however we are left to clean up the mess when addicts can’t take care of kids, Pookie goes to jail, Big Momma gets sick or cousin DeeDee gets a chance to go to school but has a special needs kid and SOMEBODY needs to be around to take care them. We are even there when one of our family members dates outside their race and has a kid by the white girl, makes a baby and her family is still stuck in the stone ages so they kick her out.  We take care of her and the baby too but no one remembers that. When slaves were sold, we became the mommas to everyone’s children including the master's kids and the ones we had by the masters who ended up being some of those Becky with the good hair girls. In our neighborhoods riddled with violence we still become the mommas. In our neighborhoods that seem to have less violence we become again the cooking or planting mommas. We are the office moms and cooks at the potlucks. We are the church cooks and cleaning ladies who tell you how to get out the worst stain ever because although many are degreed now, grandma and them had a  old remedy. We are the strength of the nation.

Whether the Olivia Pope in fiction or the Condoleezza Rice or Michelle Obama in real life, black women represent strength. It's funny though if we get even the slightest bit tired or little upset we are deemed angry, unapproachable or attitudish. And don't let us get really fired up about an injustice or passionate about our kids because then we are out of control and scary.  Truth be told, we are often tired. We are tired of the enormous mountain or responsibility that stays planted on our shoulders without the compassion others are given to break down and pass the plate sometimes.  And we have a right. We have a right to be tired. We have a right to be tired and expect someone else to pick the slack from time to  time. Everyone else is somehow allowed to get cranky but no not us. If we get cranky, it’s deemed bitchy because our strength scares people. It scares people because it is historically unbreakable.

It’s been said the best way to deal with a threat is with a good offense. The offense is to make the  threat look like an enemy. Someone recently even told me that they felt black women who get mistreated by men are treated that way because of what they allow. Huh? Where is the responsibility for the man who mistreated her and her daddy that could have helped here learn how to spot the offending person?  Now here's a case of making her look like the enemy right? 

Strong black women have been painted like enemies over and over and even said to be scary yet we are depended on for so much.  It's amazing in that same vein we sure know how to figure out how to get people out of a pickle. Maybe it's just me, but if I was scared of someone, I'm not sure I'd go to them to help me in a crisis.  Is that really that we are scary or are we perhaps that is just an excuse for folks who don't want to deal with their own mess.  

On another note, sadly, many of our own sons have fallen prey to that ideology as they age and that hurts like hell. It hurts to think that if we don't change it our strong young daughters will continue to face the same pain many of us face to either be used, abused, lonely or submit to treatment they don't deserve to be accepted.  If we don't teach our sons properly, there may not be enough great men who get what it takes to appreciate them. There are some great brothers out there but not enough and that hurts too.  It hurts so much my tears fall like rivers of blood as I type. It hurts so much my soul aches to think that some would not even entertain dating us but instead would fill us up with babies and leave acting like we are no more than a repository for last nights trash and tomorrow's child  support payment.

​But Jesse Williams…… oh young man…. Yes you….. you did it. You spoke. You showed us all the truth about what YOUR parents knew was in you. You show the world that you had no fear of truth and by your track record you've been doing it for quite some time but it took that night for many to see it. You spoke the words simple and eloquent that made the most sense at the right time. For those who didn't understand, it wasn't their time. For women like me and those who SHOULD love us and respect us, you showed them we are not the proverbial trash many of us are made to feel we are knowingly and unknowingly when you said “we can and will do better.” I hope they listened and I hope they will. Today and tomorrow may one more father, may one more mother teach their child to show more respect to the women who hold the world on their backs and walk upright despite all the pain and sorrow. 

​Image: Pixaby/Bykst

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