Copyright 2014        Aleasa M. Word              All Rights Reserved

 - Share the video  & Buy Your "helpdonthurt tee shirt.  $5.00 of each sale will be donated to the domestic violence coalition www.teespring.com/helpdonthurt-

My heart is heavy every time I hear another story of a domestic violence situation.  Whether they involve celebrities or every day people like you and me it is heartbreaking. Domestic violence tears apart families and communities and can leave life long scars on both the victims and perpetrator as well as be fatal in some severe instances. Today I challenge you to join me in a new campaign called "Help Don't Hurt."  Whether you've been a victim, abuser or a bystander, we can all contribute positively to the healing of those still living in the cycle. Don't judge the victims as stupid or weak. They need support from everyone to help them see what is best for them not condescending words that will make someone who already feels bad about a situation feel worse. Spread the word! #helpdonthurt

Copyright 2014
Aleasa M. Word All Rights Reserved

Today’s woman over 40 dating a younger man is called a cougar.  Back when I was growing up a man 20 years older than a woman was called a dirty old man.  It’s funny how these titles are created for people by people who don’t have a clue how people with big age gaps can be attracted to one another.

  A while back, me being 40 something entertained the thought of a early 30 something guy. He sure did make me smile but at the end of the day he was not at the peak of maturity for his life but I didn’t really expect him to be. The sad things is that many people date others significantly younger than themselves and wonder what happens when it ends.  Though some of these relationships can and have worked, most of them are fun and exciting until the initial passion filled honeymoon period wears off and then it’s like “now what.”

  Dating a younger man is not always a woman’s fantasy but many of us find ourselves in that  predicament because quite honestly, we don’t feel old and being full of life we hold open the chance for a younger man to slip in the door.  It takes a very mature younger man who is grounded and really understands who he is and what he wants to date someone very much his senior.  He also has to consider that women at that age usually don’t want any more children and if he decides in a few years he does, it may be curtains for the relationship.

  Dating a younger woman has been the norm for men for ages. When you have more than 15 years in between ages though, the dynamics change. Men, though often in love with these younger women sometimes have expectations …wifely expectations as far as traditional roles are concerned.  Younger women of today are far more independent and not sitting by the stove making a hot meal for their man all the time. In fact many love to eat out a lot, drop clothes at the dry cleaners and spend a lot of time on social media.  For an older man this may seem cute at first but it will definitely get old sooner than later.


The key to dating someone your senior is being honest about needs and expectations. Also, one should have a clear vision of where they really see themselves in 10 years or so. Depending on how much older you mate is, you may have to ask yourself whether or not you are ready for the responsibility of taking care of them if they become ill.  If you can figure out all of the details and read in between the lines many of these May-December type relationships can be both fun and fulfilling.  As for me the older men are catching my eye these days and I’m just fine where I stand!

Copyright 2014     Aleasa M. Word      All Rights Reserved

Society and our stubborn minds would have us thinking once we make a choice or decision, we're married to it forever.  We sometimes want to do things differently or even have new beliefs but we are addicted to the BS of life that says we must not be wishy washy and stick to whatever decisions we make in life.

It is this same scattered thinking that keeps people in bad relationships and jobs where we are being bullied, passed over or simply unsatisfied.  I believe our parents meant well when teaching us to stick to our decisions but there is more to go with that statement that we may not have been taught so well. The comparative is to a child playing an instrument.  A parent allows the child to play and every few weeks the child wants to play a new instrument because they are either bored or the challenge has become too much for them to bare.  Because we want our children to succeed and learn about following things through, we push on to teach them once you make a decision you must simply see it through to the end.  What we forget to say is once you make a "long, hard thought , all angles considered" decision it would be best to see it through.  And because we don't phrase it that way, people grow up their entire life believing they can NEVER stop doing something because it no longer serves their needs, but instead must finish it because that's what "good folks" do. 

I like to tell my clients that we sometimes should think like the government (yes that could be scary).  When they are making a decision about war or any military conflict they look at data on the ground at that moment. They plan and prepare their course of action according to the data they have at that time and the probability that they will win at whatever the conflict is.  Subsequently, when the data or intelligence changes as time goes on they are forced to make a new decision based on the new data.  This is not a wishy washy move, but instead a very calculated one as they sift through the rubble that is military decision making.  This rubble also permeates our lives.  In our personal lives the rubble we must sift through consists of past relationship failures, baggage from growing up, baggage from kids we went to school with and so on.  Sifting through the muck and myer of it all can be tiring, painful and seem to go on without any useless end in sight.  But it is the gem we find in the midst of the rubble that can set us on the path to a new journey of joy, balance and prosperity in life.  If we can just sift through the mess to find what we really want, who we really are and throw out the old ways and beliefs that no longer serve us we could emerge so much better in the end.  The fear is that if we let go of the old stuff we own that we will judged. Sadly, the only person judging us the most harshly is ourselves because we've imposed our beliefs about the world onto ourselves and we don't like it. 

Today is a new day and yesterday can stay right where it's at.  You can decide THIS DAY to be someone else. You can decide THIS DAY to own a new belief system that serves you as the "YOU "you are now as opposed to the person you were many years ago in your parent's home, workplace or with that old (or current ) mate.  The problem is we are afraid of this change because we will face resistance from others who are comfortable with us being uncomfortable in life.  For true friends and people who have your best interest at hand they will surely welcome the change you didn't even know they were waiting on from you. You have a right to make new decisions based on new data and keep it moving. You have a right to not have to explain why you are making better, more informed choices.  The response to the questions is simply "life is too short not to try other directions when you have data to show you how to get there."

Stop making the excuses "this is who I've always been" and instead look at who your are becoming.


Photo: Celestine Chua/Flickr