The holidays often bring on the list of gifts that kids would love to have. Birthdays, anniversaries, Mothers' Day, Father's Day etc. also have their respective wishes that people hope others take into consideration. How amazing would it be if we had a BIPOC Wishlist that came true as we seek to recognize the needs and Black, Indigenous and People of Color on an Equitable Playing Field. Here are some things we'd love to consider. They don't speak for all things and all people but they'd be nice to see one day. Through our training programs we strive to assist organizations and community programs to work towards the goals noted on our wishlist. 

Copyright 2020    Aleasa M. Word   All Rights Reserved

Once again the news is on fire about the death of a young black male. This time it was at the hands of a police officer and he was unarmed. Angry mobs of people have had enough and through their hopelessness and helplessness they’ve torn apart the cities…and no, this is not 1960, it’s 2020 and black men and women are still being killed by police with no accountability for wrongful deaths. .

Today's George Floyd saying "I Can't Breathe" is yesterday's  Eric Garner who was killed in New York after an altercation with the police where he fell victim to a choke hold and it appeared all he did was ask them to stop harassing him because they accused him of selling cigarettes.  A video went viral on the web and over and over again people like me cried listening to him asking them to “please leave me alone” and finally saying “I can’t breathe” only to shortly thereafter be declared dead.

How many more will it take until people realize the marches and protests aren’t working? The anger isn’t working. The summits and tweets aren’t working either. To Amadou Diallo, Jordan Davis, Trayvon Martin, Emmitt Till, Martin Luther King, Malcolm  X, Sean Bell, Medgar Evers and Eric Garner…..you are all black men and your legacy to this world, sadly,  is death.  The death of your dreams is left behind because it has been overshadowed by violence of today. The death of your potential to make a difference in the world is upon us as we slip backwards every time we step forward.  So many of our black men have shed blood on this land we call America and each day we hear of another act of violence whether black on black crime or white on black crime the ending is always the same….another black man, another black son,  lost.

Someone who was outraged yesterday mentioned there are other stories that get bigger press than the loss of lives of our black boys and men and how they were angry about it. It happens so much many have become desensitized.  My response was simply, until the lives of thriving black males have a positive dollar value attached to them,  most won’t care no matter who they are. The current dollar value on a black male’s life now is attached to the money paid to funeral homes, lawyers, therapists and prisons.  Sadly, this negative value is not new. Slavery itself spoke to the monetary value of a black man sometimes at the cost of his life.  Strong black male slaves sold for a lot as they were at the foundation of the sustainability of the plantations.  Fast forward and even the bus boycotts with the great Rosa Parks showed us that the turn in the tide was about the money that was being lost because African American’s weren’t spending it, not the fact that we need to treat people humanely. Today, black men are at the foundation of the sustainability of prisons and economic downturns in the African American communities.  They continue to be feared simply because they are black even when merely crossing a street in many towns. So, candidly I ask, who amongst you is willing to attach value to what they fear?

The cliché’  “money rules the world” is not without merit and it permeates much of the PERCEPTION of what we believe to be human kindness.  The word value is often synonymous with money and that even stands true regardless of the community you are in.  What we believe VALUE means and what is VALUABLE can be different for everyone.  Lives for some are only as valuable as the money attached to them! This is not to negate the efforts and compassion of others outside of minority communities that genuinely care and want to help. However, to be real about it…all of the hugs, arms linked together and protests in the world regardless of how rainbow-like they are still  haven’t fixed the problems of racial profiling of after effects of Jim Crow.  I’ve said it once and I’ll say it a million times….. fight with your dollars and you’ll go a lot further than with your fists.  

When I asked my youngest son when he was 13 year old son how he felt about all of the violent deaths in the African American these were his thoughts:

“ At this point, every night I really do hope I wake up the next morning……It’s kind of scary thinking when I walk down the street I could die…I know Jordan Davis and Trayvon Martin probably thought the same things I do because they were smart like me…like they wanted to go to school and have a family but they didn’t get the chance.”

He also expressed his anger saying “when a white person kills one of us it’s a big deal and makes the news, but when we kill each other people ignore it…it’s the same thing either way, people are dying and nobody cares.”   

 

Words of a child utter truths that often break the heart. Whether white, black or anything in between, until WE ALL understand that black life has value beyond the dollar, NOTHING will change.  Through the anger over racial profiling and unjust shootings toward those not in the African American community is certainly justified, that same anger must be expressed  towards those who are part of Black America that don’t value the lives of those who look just like us!

We are a broken nation and have been so for a long time. As a parent I teach my children to value the lives of others and wonder how other parents are dropping the ball by not doing the same.  The children who do not value human life over money will be the same ones growing up and having no regard for the black face of a child walking down the street listening to his music.

It’s time to turn the tables. The black man’s legacy in America is becoming nothing more than death in this day. What is left behind is the next generation to repeat the cycle. Instead, we must learn to teach and leave a legacy of pride, integrity, financial stability and most importantly a true love and regard for all of our fellow brothers and sisters. Until we understand the value of a life we will continue to put people out with the trash.

 

Copyright 2020                                          Aleasa Word


The past month or two has been tough for many. All over the US  and even in other parts of the world stay at home or shelter in place orders have been issued by local governments. For those with family at home on of the biggest struggles is actually getting along every day while the whole family has to shelter in place. At some point though people learn to be grateful for company and the mere fact that they still have human interaction. 

For others the picture can be one that is tough to manage. When living alone, this time can be peaceful yet sometimes daunting. If you are employed, that may be the one part of human connection you can hold onto and even that may not be quite enough to fulfill our sense of belonging. Those on the other end who are alone and have lost their jobs, there is a difference of loneliness all together. 

Here are some tips to help get you through this time if you are living solo and feel like you're running out of ideas: 

1. Check in with others frequently by phone and video chats to give yourself a sense of still being connected
2. If you feel you need to, create a mini routine for each day so you can tune in more to your sense of purpose
3. Watch cooking shows or cooking videos and learn how to prepare a whole new culinary experience
4. Find free courses online to beef up your skills while at home 
5. Take walks outside while practicing safety, hygiene and social distancing practices
6. Have virtual lunch,game nights with  friends and family on zoom
7. Have a spaced out dinner on the lawn with a friend socially distanced far enough away 
8. Communicate at a safe distance following CDC guidelines or by phone with a neighbor  

There are lots of ways to be creative and if you're alone, it's up to you to  find ways to connect. You don't have to be lonely even if you're alone. The great thing about today is we are all connected across the internet and YOU my friend are just one tweet, post, snap or live stream way from connecting with other sin the world. 

If I see one more post about a resolution turned 2020 vision, I think I'll scream.  Year after year people create resolutions that usually end within the first 2 to 3 weeks of a new year. I often wonder why people put themselves through this relentless torture year after year. What are they hoping for? Do they think that somehow, magically they will stick to the resolution if they keep making it over and over? I call that a person searching for fools gold! 

The only way to truly do something different is to create a new way of thinking, living and behaving. You must find a way to develop new habits that stick. The funny thing about people is in order for us to do this we must change. With change comes a feeling of loss. With a feeling of loss comes the potential to instead stick with what we know. Why do I say there's a sense of loss? Well let's just think of weight loss for example. You want to lose the weight. You need to lose the weight. By losing it, you'd gain so much in return. You'd feel better, be able to fit the clothes you've kept in your closet for the last 20 years and you may even ward off some health issues by doing so. So with all of those wins, where is the loss?  The loss is what you feel when you try to take on a new eating habit and put in the work for exercise. You will lose the comfortable way you live. You will lose what is sometimes felt as control over eating because now you may feel food controls your life as it has decided how your body will or will not look. You may feel you've lost control over your schedule because now you have to figure in exercise daily. You may feel as if you are no longer comfortable because you are losing the comfort foods that you may have even grown up with. You know the ones....that special pie mama made yo when you felt sad. 

Honestly, the losses we perceive aren't necessarily bad losses. Sometimes those habits and limiting beliefs are what keep us in the same place year after year. We feel we are winning because we THINK we are in control when in fact our habits and behaviors are controlling us. The thing to do is flip your reality. Go back to my weight loss example. Instead of thinking you are losing out on mama's special pie, why not set a time of year when you can have a slice and work to get your body in shape to the point that one slice won't hurt you. You win! You'll look good and get your favorite treat but you get to work towards it. The same can be said about the clothing you have. You'll lose enough to get rid of the old and pick up a new wardrobe or slip right back into the one you used to wear. 

The possibilities are endless when you think this way. You must build a relationship within your self about your vision or you my friend will instead spend your year simply waiting on fools gold ! 

​Disagreements are as common as clouds in the sky. They happen between couples, families and even strangers. Even best friends have them and they can sometimes get ugly. Even the best people have disagreements that can turn into arguments.  Then, sadly there are also people in the world that seem to enjoy being difficult. In a climate where everyone has an opinion about how other should act, it can be very challenging to assert yourself without creating additional drama. Learning good conflict resolution skills can make a world of difference for people. 
 
Unfortunately, not everyone does well dealing with their own emotions let alone those of others we interact with.  Most of us are so uncomfortable in contentious situations that we either walk away or become angry and escalate the level of argument. What if you could resolve it instead?
 
Whether your disagreement is with a spouse, coworker, or neighbor, there are strategies you can use to find a resolution, or at least avoid an all-out war.
 
Healthy conflict resolution is a terrific skill to learn. 

Try these tips diffuse conflicts and arguments: 

1. Clean Your Lens. Sometimes, what seems like a disagreement is simply a miscommunication. Make sure you clearly understand what the other person is saying. Ask clarifying questions about the situation. Also, be certain that the other person understands your position.
   
   
2. Pause. Give yourself and the other party a mini time-out. Go grab a cup of coffee together or a snack.  Spend some time together doing something enjoyable. You both might forget all about your argument while enjoying a hot fudge sundae.
   
   
3. Ask yourself if  why it’s important to agree. Reaching an agreement on a personal issue like having kids might be important to you. Agreeing on which political party is better might not be as important. Sometimes there are difference that won’t affect a relationship with other and that’s simply ok to let them remain differences. Be sure that the disagreement is worth continuing.
   
   
4. Don’t take it personal. Once your ego is involved, it’s much more challenging to resolve the conflict. Likewise, avoid attacking the other person on a personal level. Stay on task and lower the stress levels.
   
   
5. Use the inside voice! . As you get louder, the other person will become more agitated and increase their volume as well. Maintain a calm, reasonable tone of voice.
   
   
6. Listen to hear not to respond. The most common thing to do while someone else is speaking is to think of what you’re going to say the second they stop. You can’t formulate an appropriate response and listen effectively at the same time. Focus on what the other person is saying while they talk.
   
   
7. Body language is still language. You might not realize the message you’re inadvertently sending to the other person. Non-verbal communication is still communication. A large part of communication is nonverbal, so your gestures and facial expressions are meaningful.
   
   
8. Step away if the situation spirals out of control. You don’t have to stand there and take verbal abuse. Be willing to walk away and resume the conversation at another time when cooler heads prevail.
   
   
9. It’s ok to be wrong.  No one is right 100% of the time. If you realize that you’re wrong, admit it and move on. Apologize. Offer a solution to the situation.

 
Any disagreement can quickly get out of hand, potentially damaging your relationship with the other person.
 
Having a productive disagreement is a skill. Take the time to ensure the disagreement is worth continuing. Listen carefully and clarify what you say and hear. You might find that you don’t have a disagreement at all!
 
Disagreements are part of life. Learn how to handle them effectively. Place your focus on finding common ground and discovering a resolution that you both can move forward with.

​Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash

Copyright 2019                       Aleasa Word


​I am constantly called upon by people in on social media to help them with their coaching business. I've never promoted myself as a coach's coach; however, it kind of comes with the territory. One of the issues that bugs me is when people simply wake up one day, hang a shingle and call themselves a life coach. Because the industry is not fully regulated, it is easy for people to do this but it dilutes the pool of qualified coaches who have trained extensively and operate at a higher level of confidentiality, professionalism and integrity. At times some of the quickie courses make many of us coaches feel like we are being openly mocked when we've worked hard to provide a professional service. 

The old saying you get what you pay for is true here. If you are looking for a qualified coach here hiring someone who has no real training or in anything even remotely coaching related could be disastrous for you and may not always be the best use of your money. Here are some quick tips on hiring a coach. 

• Ask questions. Who have they coached, how long have they coached and what kind of successes have they had?
• If they say they are certified, check who their certifying body is
• If they are giving advice...that's a red flag. Qualified coaches do their best to steer away from full on advice as they are not therapists or legal representatives. They are mindful about their words and how they phrase them
• If they say they  can hep with mental health issues, unless they also hold a license to practice counseling or psychology buyer beware
• Do your due diligence to make sure you are making a sound investment with this person

​Photo by Valentin Salja on Unsplash

Copyright 2019                       Aleasa Word


​When I was a kid, finding out a child’s IQ or intelligence quotient was all the rage. Parents scampered to see how smart their child was in comparison to others. Some did so to help their child get a head start in life while others did it for selfish reasons aka bragging rights so others could see how well they did in  creating offspring that was top of class in intellect.
​
As time has forged on, we learned that IQ is not the only measure of intelligence in human beings. In fact, there are multiple intelligences and certainly they are all being worthy of exploring. One concept that combines some of them has always compelled my curiosity. This specific intelligence, emotional intelligence is worth learning about.  It is one of today’s trending topics that always seems to uncover intriguing information about human behavior. Though the term emotional Intelligence has been thrown around a lot, many are still unsure of what it really means and why they should even care. For those of us in the know, it is a topic worth continuing to follow so that we can see the latest and greatest advances as well as both implied and actual application of emotional intelligence growth strategies.

For those who aren’t quite up to the speed on this idea of emotional intelligence, there are ways to improve your knowledge base sooner than later.  This is important because improving this intelligence is not only possible but it improves performance may help you improve your personal financial bottom line. 
Below you will find a few top-notch twitter handles to follow that help you increase your knowledge base as you learn from some of the movers and shakers in the world of emotional intelligence. Check out this short list of EI professionals.   
​
1. @DanielGolemanEI – Author of the book Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can
    Matter More than IQ
2. @TalentSmartEQ –  The company behind Travis Bradberry author of
    Emotional Intelligence 2.0
3. @EQJosh – Joshua Freedman, CEO of the company Six Seconds , The
    Emotional Intelligence Network
4. @TheEIGuy – Harvey Deutschendorf, author of The Other Kind of Smart
6. @YourEICoach – Dr Hank Clemons, founder Society of Emotional Intelligence
7. @EiConnection – Multi Health Systems Emotional Intelligence Advocate and
    Assessments

Reprint with attribution and backlink
Photo by Sara Kurfeß 

Copyright 2019             Aleasa Word

​As the year-end comes, so does the idea that many companies will decide to trim the proverbial fat from their books for the year. It’s not a new phenomenon, yet when it happens the impact on humans can be devastating. Let’s face it, the majority of people who are working for companies are there because they need the job instead of just wanting it. The unsettling part to that is many define their personal value by the jobs they occupy.
When the job no longer needs people, it’s like getting sucker-punched in the gut sometimes. There are other times when people can see the handwriting on the wall and even in those instances the reality of losing the job can be tough to handle. So what should people do to get past the emotional toll of losing the job and moving on to a productive mindset of recovery?

• Accept the reality of grief – losing a job is truly like losing part of your everyday life. It’s your norm to go to work, see your work colleagues and be part of a work family. Any loss is going to make one feel a sense of detachment and can cause fear. It can cause a host of emotions to rush all at once and if you’ve ever had any issues of loss from your childhood it can unknowingly trigger emotions from that as well.
• See it at face value – remember that layoffs are usually not personal at all. This is a business decision and you need to see it as such. The company needs to survive and so do you. Think of your new status as a business decision and ask yourself what does the business of “you” need to survive?
• Step back – take a few days if you have the luxury to do so to step back and breathe. Acting off of emotion will only make things worse as you may make emotionally charged decisions that aren’t helpful. Give yourself a moment to breathe.
• Assess your situation – take a real-world look at your financial situation to see what needs to be dealt with first, what your current assets look like and what you need to have to survive financially each month.
• Develop the game plan – it’s time to take action.  Get your resume out and update it asap! Make a list of potential employers. Sign up with job sites to begin receiving hits and to start looking. Call people you know in the industry to see if their companies are hiring. Stay positive by telling yourself to keep breathing….you are going to be ok.

 
The road ahead may look daunting but be sure to take it one step at a time. You got to where you are through hard work and you can do it again! 

Copyright 2019    by Aleasa Word
Repost permitted with attribution and backlink

Dating in today's world can be crazy as hell yet for some it can be simply amazing.  There was a time that dating was just about meeting new people when you were out in public.  Then the online boom happened and people were all over the internet trying to find the perfect love. Being a person who was married and then finding this online boom post-divorce, I must say the struggle has been real.

There are so many ways to connect with people online that one would think it would be easy to find the person of their dreams; yet, for many it has become like a trek through a desert, forest and mountain climbing along with a swim across the ocean all at the same time where survival of the fittest is truly the mantra. First off, there are a ton of dating sites to select from and it can be overwhelming to find just the right one that fits your personality and budget. After you find the right one, you have to ask yourself if you have the stamina and finances to support this new habit of online dating which can be costly if you select paid dating sites that claim to match you with your perfect mate for a fee.  There is no attempt to bash the sites because they are just doing their best to offer a service…but when human behavior takes over, things can get sketchy.  Some of the more popular sites like Tinder, Match, Elite Singles, Bumble Zoosk and Hinge plug along with the infamous swipe game where people can swipe one direction for like and the other direction for get the heck out of here as they try to find the right person to start talking to.

After some weeding and seeding,  people usually find some folks they have a little interest in and the race begins to see how fast you can find out if the person you meet is truly who they say they are or if they’re a  fake taking advantage of a perfectly good site meant for love.  An example of that was recently reported about a case in Georgia where one of those fakes conned a lady out of  $80,000 because she thought she met the man of her dreams.  Admittedly his con happened really fast from what the news reported so without all the details I’d have to wonder what this poor lady was thinking as she sought out love. 

Once you finally weed out the ones you THINK are conning you, don’t get too comfortable. There is the serial ghoster waiting in the wings to break your confidence in goodness even more. These are the ones who date you a few times in some case months and decide one day they don’t want to deal with you anymore. Instead of being mature enough to say “hey I don’t think this is going to work out” they simply disappear. They stop calling, texting and coming around. At first, you may think, hey did they get hit by a bus or are they sick but when you peruse social media, you see them posting away so you realize you got GHOSTED! 

If you’ve developed feelings for them it’s like a gut punch without closure. If you haven’t developed any real feelings but started getting used to them it is still a hit that makes you really question your own ability to select dates. Often times you think this person at least is a pretty good friend so your friendship feelings can get hurt too because simply said, ghosting is just downright rude.  In many of these cases, you may have even asked them earlier if they feel it’s not their thing to let you know and the selfishness in them keeps them in the ring. Sadly though, when people ghost they often don’t think they owe anyone an explanation. That couldn’t be further from the truth.  To be honest when someone has trusted you to be a part of the most personal part of themselves you do at least owe them a goodbye even if it’s in a text message. People who do this usually have a tough time doing what they beleve is hurting others feelings when in fact you hurt feelings more by disappearing instead of simply saying it's not going to work. Many think by saying that they open themselves up to a ton of questions they don't want to answer but those they really don't have to answer. Once they've said this is not the thing for them, they've at least closed the loop and anything else is a bonus. 
​
If you can make it through that and still find someone in the dating game who is genuine you have made it to the winner's circle. And I truly wish you and your new mate well because you have officially beat the odds and are off to a great start to a good future. CHEERS!  

Copyright 2019 
Alesasa M. Word
​
Do you ever have racing thoughts? Have you ever had a hard time focusing because you felt anxious about things in your life that either weren't going the right way or you were afraid would go the wrong way? Being worried and uncertain of things can really weight us down.  Anxiety seems to be growing at a record pace in Americans today. Not only are adults impacted but children as well. A simple search on anxiety can bring on a myriad of articles. 

Though nothing takes the pace of advice from a licensed therapist or psychiatrist, here are some tips that may help if you find yourself with occasional anxiety.:

 
1. Distance yourself from the worrisome thoughts. Learn to look at your anxious thoughts in a different way. 

• A huge help would be to truly reevaluate how you think about things. 

• When you get an anxious thought, immediately identify it as a sign of your worry and not reality.

• Labeling your thoughts correctly raises self-awareness and makes it easier to control them. It also gives you something else to focus on instead of constant worry.

 
2. Ask yourself questions. When you get an anxious thought, stop and ask yourself these questions: 

• What is the real reason for this anxious thought? What am I really afraid of?

• Is there real danger, or is my mind simply playing games with me?

• Is the negative outcome I’m imagining likely to happen?

• How can I stop or change these negative thoughts into something positive?

 
3. View your thoughts as data. Sometimes it’s helpful to view your thoughts as data and your mind as a data processing center. 

• You’ll get a lot of data coming in throughout the day. Some of this data can be incorrect and confusing. This is an example of anxious thoughts.

• You may also interpret the data incorrectly. This means you allow the anxious thoughts to take over and control you. You let them grow and fester.

• Thinking of your mind as a pseudo data processing center, you get to decide how to handle all the information. Remember you’re in control. This means you can choose to toss out or ignore the incorrect data.

• Also, keep in mind that the brain is designed to detect danger and is hypersensitive to it. You may pick up on things that aren’t even real.

1. Focus on the today. Many anxious thoughts are focused on either the future or the past. You can break free by focusing on the present.

• Avoid thinking too much about the past or future by interrupting these thoughts. Notice when you’re thinking about the past or future and guide your thoughts back to the present moment.

• Sometimes thoughts from the past can make you afraid of the future. Remember that the past doesn’t have to repeat itself. You have the power to change how your future will be shaped.

 
4. Take action. Anxious thoughts often prevent you from taking action. They keep you stuck in fear and worry. Learn to take action even when you’re afraid.​

5. Find one thing you can influence positively in that moment and take an action.

• Action can actually decrease the number of anxious thoughts you have on a daily basis. It can show you that there’s nothing to be afraid of, that you’re powerful, and that you can make a positive difference.

 
6. Get rid of unhelpful thoughts. Some thoughts may be true, but they aren’t helpful. 

• Learn to tell helpful and unhelpful thoughts apart.. Stress and anxiety don't help anyone. 

• Then, start to filter out the unhelpful ones. For example, if you know that the odds of making a perfect presentation at work are low, but you still have to do it, this is an unhelpful thought. It doesn’t encourage you to do your best.

 
Anxious thoughts don’t have to control your life. You can use these tricks to effectively take control of your mind when you find yourself worrying. If these tips aren’t enough, consider talking to a therapist for additional help.

by Aleasa Word                                    Copyright 2019

​When we think about forgiveness, we usually think about forgiving others. We know that harboring ill feelings towards others because of how they treated us or what they've done really hurts us in the long run more than the other person.  Logically we know this is what we need to do, however our subconscious mind hangs onto the pain associated with the act like it was the last sandwich in a food drought. 

Just as we know we need to forgive others for own peace of mind, the truth is we, need to forgive ourselves as well. With the forgiveness of others, it's sometimes easy to forgo that when we don't see those persons on a regular basis. We can fool ourselves into believing it's not necessary if they aren't a daily part of our lives. And even when they are in our lives regularly we can come us with some type of normal to justify the unforgiveness we harbor. When it comes to ourselves, it's an interesting situation. We are with ourselves every day. When we feel we have done something wrong we often beat up on ourselves over and over again. We punish ourselves as if somehow that will undo what we did. Truth is we can't change the past. It is the past for a reason....the time passed us by. All we can really do is work from today forward. We can do our darnedest to be the best person we can be today and every day after. We can look at our mistakes and find the lesson in each one so we can move forward. We can look at the teachable moments and see how we can apply the lessons to our future as building blocks. We can look for opportunities in each lesson and help others. This is a great way to start the forgiveness journey for ourselves. Not doing it will leave us sad and vulnerable to depression and isolation. 

Life is not a one size fits all event. It is not perfect and there is no manual for every situation. I encourage you to keep doing the very best you can and give yourself a break. Cut yourself some slack. Love yourself even when you've made choices that weren't the best. 

​Photo: Pixabay

by Aleasa Word                                                               Copyright 2019

​The average parent has ideas about what they think their child's future should look like. In most families they think about college as the next logical step after high school. When our kids begin to age into their high school years we still have that same mindset in most cases. Eventually kids figure out what they want to do as they transition into young adults and begin to assert their independence in making decisions about their future. 

What happens when the young adult's ideas about the next step differ from yours? Do you push because you know better since your brain is fully matured and life has taught you a bunch of lessons or do you allow them to find their way? Many parents make the mistake of pushing their kids into college when they are not ready. This step can result in kids feeling pressure to measure up in college. Added pressure can sometimes result in substance abuse problems, wasted scholarship money or mounds of student loan debt and no degree to show for it. Other times the push is about the major the young adult selects that creates a power struggle between them and the parents. 

Here are some things to consider when thinking about your child's next steps beyond high school:

• Do they really want to go to college or is it your idea?
• Are they independent enough to go and be successful?
• Where is their emotional maturity ? Will it hinder them from succeeding at college away from you? 
• How are their coping methods for stress and frustration? 
• Are you willing to put your own goals and dreams aside for them to let them make choices so they can be happy and mentally healthy functioning adults? 
• Have you considered alternative options if that's their preference like trade schools or certificate programs?
• Decide on distance for colleges that are reasonably within your budget in case you have to get to them
• What lessons in self care have you intentionally taught them? 
  • How to make their own appointments
  • How sleep affects their brain
  • What to do when they are overwhelmed
  • How to relax/decompress
  • How to set up car insurance, talk about credit, balance a budget, grocery shop, do laundry

There is a lot to look at when trying to help your child get to the next level. Being mindful to consider who they are, how they cope and what really makes sense for them will go a long way for them and for your relationship with them.  If you dreamed of your child being a doctor and they decide to be a pharmacy technician instead be mindful to have the same enthusiasm about their choice as what you would have had for your choice for them. If they want to be a barber you may think about how they can own a fleet of shops to help them be as successful as possible.  The possibilities are endless. Whatever they choose, as long as they become healthy, happy functioning adults they are in the right place. 

​Photo: Pixabay

by Aleasa Word                                 Copyright 2019

​We all know what we need to do to remain happy. We all know the know the things we should and should not put up with in relationships too. So since we know it all, why do we struggle through life the way we do?  Why do we continue to have the same results over and over again simply wishing for something different? 

More times than not, we end up with the same results because we don't let go of what makes us repeat the patterns in our behavior. We grow up with belief systems given to us by our families and those around us in our childhood. As we age, life's experiences often reinforce the subliminal thinking of our childhood as we allow ourselves to lean in the direction of those thoughts and beliefs. When we want something different, we try different strategies but they can become uncomfortable. When we are not comfortable whether consciously or subconsciously, we tend to retreat to a place where feel comfort hence giving us the same or similar results in our lives. 

To truly make the changes that will alter outcomes, you must learn that discomfort isn't always a bad thing. It can be the telltale sign that you are letting go of limiting beliefs that you've held for a long time. Letting go of beliefs that no longer serve you can be scary and make us feel like we are a traitor to our beliefs of those of our family. We want our beliefs to be right and we hold on somehow thinking we can prove that they are right instead of being ok with realizing they are no longer right for us in the place we currently are in our lives.  An example of such would be people who believed that women wearing pants was completely wrong and then having children who they passed this belief onto.  As time passed on, women became more independent and started wearing pants. It didn't change who they were but it changed their level of comfort on a day to day basis. In colder climates, it made life more bearable. In other settings, it simply gave women more flexibility. People got used to it and here we are today. Though clothing and mindsets about things like money, relationships, sex and such may be different we can still apply this thought process.  

If you want something different we say you have to do something different. I say you also have to think differently and be willing to be uncomfortable long enough to see that your new beliefs as long as they are not harming anyone may be the ones that change the game for you and get you better results. Let go, be uncomfortable and rethink what you believe. You deserve the ultimate life but it's up to you to believe that and to go get it. 

Photo: PIxabay

by Aleasa Word                                     Copyright 2019

​Everyone needs a source of income. If you're not born into wealth, at some point you'll have to get a job or start a business. For those working at companies they don't own, you don't necessarily get the option to pick the personalities you work with all the time. That can really be a downer if you end up at a place where the corporate culture allows for people to come in and be downright terrible to work with. So how does one function in a job they really need where they can't stand the people they work with? 

1. Figure out why you don't like your co-workers. Do some real soul searching about yourself. Sometimes it's really not the other people but instead it's our expectation of what or how people should act that rubs us the wrong way. If it really is a terrible culture this will lead you to think about some decisions you need to make. 
2. You need the job but is the stress of working there greater than your need for the money?  Perhaps you really need to look for another job. If it's really bad and you absolutely need money, consider working two jobs to fill the gap for this one if you quit. 
3. Talk to your manager but don't be accusatory. Try to make sure you don't play the blame or victim game. Let him/her know you have some concerns around the culture and want advice on the best way to get in sync with things so you can add value. 
4. Keep business business and personal personal. When you work in an office where there are a lot of problems, it's easy to get fooled from time to time when someone is nice to you. You become comfortable and tell more of your personal story than you'd like or you may sit in on a gossip session.  DON'T DO IT!   Be cordial but know the difference between business conversation and going too far. 
5. Focus on your goal! You are there to enhance your experience and collect a check.  Do the best work you can do. Focus on how this may grow your career long term. Don't sweat the small stuff. Learn as much as you can. Contribute as much as you can and when the time is right find another firm that aligns with your values. 

Working with others isn't always easy but if we look at how we receive the behaviors of others, it may help us fair better in the workplace. 

​Photo: Pixabay Free-Photos

by Aleasa Word                    Copyright 2019

​It seems in today's economy more people are beginning a small business on the side. Some are fine with the side hustle while others hope to turn their side dreams into main stage realities. Regardless of what your end game is for your small business, one thing for sure is that you must START THE BUSINESS! 

Are you stuck on how to start your business? Have you started and seem unsure what to do next? Here are a few quick things to consider if you haven't already. 

• Decide on how you want to incorporate. Research so you understand the difference between business entity types. Many start out with an LLC but that may not be the right type for you. Consider your own tax situation when deciding on which type to choose.
• Research your potential business name to ensure you won't get lost in the sauce as they say. Some names are already used so much no one will stand out. You 'll want to consider website addresses for your company as you seek out just the right name and also if there are entities in your state or on a national level with the same name. 
• Don't play with the IRS! When you get your business filed with your state make sure you deal with your tax ID number so you don't end up in any trouble with the IRS. You don't need that headache. 
• Think about your logo as you will need to consider how to brand your business. One of the first things people will look for is a quick symbol of who you are. Look at soda brands. We don't even have to read names on the cans, we just know. 
• Money, money, money!   Once your have your tax-id number you will need to start a bank account so that you keep the funds from your business separate from your personal funds. Co-mingling only creates nightmares at tax time and could cause major problems.  Be careful who you allow as a signer for your account as well. People sometimes change when there is money involved. 
• Get your people in place. Select a CPA and an attorney to have on standby for your needs
• The SBA is your friend!  You can check out the Small Business Association for additional tips and even get templates for things you'll need like your BUSINESS PLAN which is super important to create as a step in the new business set up. 
• Income flows. Once you get your business plan in placec start thinking of how you will get the income in and where you will set up. Will you have a home office or a separate place of business? Know the laws in your municipality. 

There are a great deal of things to consider when you are setting up your business and having a small business coach/consultant is a great help. Don't be afraid to let us know if we can help! 
​ Email hello@awordandcompany.com 

Photo: Pixabay Rawpixel

Copyright 2019                                                           Aleasa Word


​We’ve all heard the familiar phrase “failure is not an option.”  There are those who also say failure is a choice. These cliche’s are meant to get us through life and serve as motivation and confidence builders.  It would be nice if they worked all the time; however, they don’t and if we’re honest we know it. We have become accustomed to saying things without feeling and blindly embracing the meaning behind them to the point they become more ritualistic than realistic.
A recent conversation with a younger woman about failure led me to want to drop some old school knowledge to help her navigate through her 20’s on the way to her  30’s. It’s too bad that more people don’t realize the lessons they’ve learned along the way aren’t things to be ashamed of or forgotten.  Instead they should be shared with generations after us so they become healthier mentally, physically and financially at an earlier age thus continuing to help others.  The gratitude I have for the gift of knowledge many people who are older than me gave me is tremendous. Not only has it helped me through tough times but also prepared me to avoid some things I wouldn’t have thought about had they not gone through them.
With the above-mentioned thoughts in mind, I do believe two things we could do a better job of culturally at an earlier point is to teach younger people resiliency strategies earlier and imparting the concept of flexibility of perception. When I say teach, I’m not talking about just having conversations or lectures. Teaching to me is also about living what you tell younger people. That’s certainly can be done yet generation after generation many still practice “do as I say not as I do” parenting and business leadership. Think of the following timeline for example.  Babies watch to learn as they develop into children who are independent thinkers. Those thinkers  become teenagers trying to make sense of it all and then suddenly they’re thrust into young adulthood to make choices based really on what they’ve seen. What they see isn’t always explained to them in a way their developing mind can understand. We are so busy we forget that. This understanding whether narrow or broad becomes part of the way they interact and communicate as young adults.  It is then no wonder people scratched their heads when many in my age group were younger and why we continue to scratch our heads at some of the choices made by some younger people. Notice I said some because we know not all people are alike nor am I picking on anyone.
Listen up folks, whether they are your newly graduated co-workers, your children or other impressionable people that somehow cross your path, they watch just about everything you do.  They know your mannerisms when you tell the truth and your mannerisms when you lie if they’ve been around you long enough. They know everything from your spending habits to stress habits. They understand your communication style or lack of communication style as well as your conflict resolution style and more. Subsequently, the way you handle what you personally believe to be “failure” has a significant impact on the way they deal with disappointments.  This then gets passed down to the next generation whether they are your children, young employees or people in the community.
To begin to build that resiliency for both yourself and others, a perception change is in order. Perceptions are the lens of beliefs we tie ourselves to and then fight like heck to keep even though they don’t always serve us for eternity thus creating the opposite of resiliency.  Today I leave you with a phrase I used in my daily inspirational videos I post on Instagram.  Wait for it…………. “YOUR MISSTEP IS YOUR BEST STEP IN THE SET UP FOR YOUR COME UP!”  This is one of the many statements we can use to change the way we look things that don’t go the way we expected or wanted them to so we can build a more resilient mindset.   We are all successful; however, it’s up to us to look at it that way. You can not grow unless you have something to grow from and resiliency allows that to happen.
Photo Credit: pixabay/perianjs

Copyright 2018                                       Aleasa Word

​oar too often I hear stories of leaders who cracked under pressure begin to act harshly with staff due to low productivity or sales numbers. The rationale behind it is usually that if the staff worked harder the sales wouldn't be down so they need to "get them back in line." Though there may be instances when staff has taken advantage of lax controls in a company, the "crackdown" approach isn't always the best approach.
Let's look at a company who relies on sales to keep them afloat. If an employee is disengaged, it is usually easy to spot THAT employee. If all the sales numbers are down, there is a bigger issue at play. Is your product stale? Is there a new competitor that is in the way? Have regulations, technology or protocols in your industry changed in such a way that it is hindering your employees' ability to do their jobs the same way they used to? There could be a number of reasons that your goals are not being met depending on what your company actually does. As such, there are a number of better ways to deal with this other than treating staff like they are like inmates in a prison . Doing so may cost you all of your staff and then you'd be asking yourself how do I keep this company afloat all by myself with no staff left? People who leave companies do so for a host of reasons and often they leave when companies need them most because they aren't treated as though they have value when the chips are down.
Leaders who have taken the time to really study how to manage people have a good grasp on the answer to this issue. Sadly, when under pressure many forget that answer and go back to their style of origin which is the proverbial crackdown. When thinking this through, it would behoove us all to think about what we do with our customers as a way to think of how to deal with staff to get more customers. Just as you may work to give incentives to new clients, unhappy clients or existing clients, one can not forget that your employees are your customers too! People, in general, more often respond better to a reward system than to a punishment system.
Wait...before you post opposition to that last statement hear me out. **Based on a 2011 report from Pew Research the average rate of recidivism in the United States was listed at 43%. Subsequently, a report by the DOJ (department of justice) noted that 68% of over 400,000 prisoners from 30 states who were released in 2005 were re-arrested for new crimes within 3 years and another 77% within 5 years. Whoa!!!!! This is to say you're running a prison (unless you are); however, that speaks to this issue a bit more. The real lesson here is this. You can catch more bees with honey (I know it's a cliche'). Creating a hostile environment for your staff will not make them work harder. It will make them hostile, bitter towards each other, poor performers with customers and eventually your staff will begin to leave. Though you may think their leaving in favor of fresh talent might be the answer, certainly, all of them leaving within a short period of time will cause you more issues.
Help your employees see why they can do better and give them the incentive to do so.
Originaly Published on LInkedIn
**Info obtained: http://www.atlascorps.org/blog/recidivism-united-states-overview/

​Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash

​​Copyright 2018                              by  Aleasa Word

How many times have you wondered what a life coach does? Have you asked yourself, why would I pay someone to tell me what I already know about myself? Maybe you don’t know what personal coaches really do or maybe you’ve had a bad experience with one. Here are 7 real reasons why people need a personal coach and they’re not just fluff either:

1. Investments that Grow – When you put money into a savings account, 401k, the stock market, CDs or other investment vehicles you expect a return on your investment right? You know there is a risk, however you allow yourself to believe that the return will offset the return. You will be able to actually see the fruit of your investment labor when it’s all finished. The same holds true about investing in yourself. Having money in one pot with no growth vehicle keeps it safe (we think) but it’s stuck there sitting stagnant. It never gets any better and if the value of the dollar changes it may get worse. When you don’t invest in yourself you become stuck and stagnant. Things that once fulfilled you often don’t anymore. Things you once dreamed to do sit on the back burner, become half finished or don’t end up with the result that gives you the feeling you thought they would. Investing in yourself helps you grow to heights you sometimes didn’t realize you could reach because of fear, lack of support or unclear paths due to past experiences.
2. Accountability – How many times have you made a new year resolution or decided you’d do something new and after a few days, a month or more you quit? What’s the excuse…I didn’t really want to do that or I wasn’t that invested? Look! Change is hard!!! Without someone to be there with you who is invested in your success going solo isn’t the easiest thing. Maybe you’ve gone solo in a lot of areas of life but there is usually at least one or two that the solo gig just isn’t working and you need someone there celebrating the baby steps and helping you push through the harder steps.
3. No Judgments Boo – When we look to people we know personally to help us through change, we often times don’t show our whole selves. The whole self can be scary to face and we usually want to seem like we’re still in control even when life has scared the sh*t out of us. Coaches don’t care to judge you because they are too busy working their butts off to help you make it to your goals. They are invested and if you’ve ever had one who was not, they are not a real coach!
4. Money and Reputations – Hiring a coach is like hiring another contractor. You expect a certain level of service for what you pay. You expect to get some stuff done without being judged and learn new ways to do things that kept you stuck before. Because you are actually paying a coach, they have a lot to lose if they aren’t really invested in helping you. They will lose not only your money but face the potential for ruining their reputation for not doing their jobs properly. Coaches know bad news travels fast and even faster when you’ve wasted your money on a coach. Good coaches help you spell out your goals early and let you know up front what their style is, how qualified they are and usually have some great valid references.
5. Experience Matters – When you finally get to the point you realize it’s time for a coach, you don’t want the neighborhood advice giver to be the one to help you out. You want a qualified person who knows their stuff.  Coaches that make coaching their life spend a great deal of time on continuing education to ensure they can help you. They also know enough to know they too can have their own coaches for various areas of what they do because they have to stay on their A game to be the best accountability partner for you.
6. Happiness is Key – Life is short and we know it. We say it a lot but don’t always subscribe that mindset. To put it into perspective, think of how old you are today. Doesn’t it seem like yesterday you were a kid, teen, new parent, new bride/husband, new employee etc?  Time waits for no one and you can think you’ve got time but why waste the days you have being unhappy, unfulfilled, unsuccessful or simply just searching for more. Life is meant to be lived and to be lived as happily as we can live it. Coaches help you figure out how to reach your goals, dreams and desires so you can live a life you enjoy.
7. Celebrity Style – Ok, this one is a little vein.  Have you ever seen someone with a personal trainer, personal chef, personal stylist, personal assistant and so on? It seems like a status symbol of sorts when people have people who cater to them personally. Now I know not all people are into status symbols but think of the way a personal coach can be looked at. You hire them because you care enough about your life so that they can personally make sure to help you , listen to you and work with you to make what YOU want happen. They are personally invested in YOU!!!!!! Their whole job is focused on helping your reach the goals you set. You get to set the tone for how things go and they help you do it. Now that’s status and success all wrapped up in one.

Just remember that no one person can do and be everything.  Though we like to think we are superheros, we aren’t.  WE are humans doing the best we can every day. No matter how educated or financially well off we are though, we can all get stuck from time to time. Your coach is your way to get through that if you feel compelled enough to invest in yourself. When your desire for change becomes bigger than your desire to stay in the same rut, you’ll make a decision. Goals change often because life changes often. When goals change, we change and when we change life changes.   That my friend, is why you need a real coach.
Photo: The Digital Artist/Pixabay

by Aleasa Word                                      Copyright 2018

​Have you ever wondered why people go year after year talking about their new year resolutions? Some choose weight loss and then hog up time in the gym from the regular exercise pros for about 30 days and then begin to fall off. Or they join one of the many weight loss clinics or programs paying tons of money for joining fees and food only to let it go in about 30 days. Then there are the others who swear off cursing, certain foods, mindless sex or plan to improve their parenting skills overnight. And let's not forget the ones who vow to become more religions, gossip less or seek to find themselves somewhere between December 31 and January 1st.  
The list of things people create resolution about are endless but most wind up ending after a few weeks. It's kind of funny and sad at the same time. 

What if we lived in a world where not one even thought about creating resolutions or lofty goals? Would people be happier?  Honestly, we'd believe in what people said more that's for sure. If people just started eating healthier and exercising more, they'd lose the weight without the pressure of everyone watching them the first 30 days as they sneak food when people aren't listening or lie about the workouts we know they're not doing. I've been one of those people too many times, so I know first hand how it goes. Or what if people didn't 'try to pressure themselves to stop cursing or having mindless sex and instead took their time to think things through in life and make better decisions about things that were really serving them or how their own behaviors were the cause of some of the problems they faced routinely? What if people decided to value themselves enough to make others see their value and stuck to their standards instead of looking for love in all the wrong places when they really needed to start by loving themselves? How would life look if people didn't try to gain attention through health conditions instead of looking for real ways to be healthier? Or how about if people didn't find so much in tearing others down and instead worked to build them up so their desire to gossip diminished naturally? 

It's admirable to want to do better or be better. It's silly, however to think that overnight one can change habits that took years to create.  Living one day at a time being the best person you can be and giving yourself a chance to learn more and do better gives better long term results than trying to magically change five things overnight.  It is my hope that 2018 is a great year for you and those you care for. Take your time my friends and enjoy the journey along the way. Remember to give yourself some slack because after all you are human. 

Photo: Pixabay

Copyright 2011 Aleasa M. Word All Rights Reserved
*Photo's are found publicly on the WWW, we do not claim ownership of photography and will gladly remove if necessary.

Everyone and their brother is writing about what happened to those poor babies and brave adults at Sandy Hook Elementary in Connecticut.  The mere thought of reliving the entire ordeal in a blog makes me literally want to cry. 
  
I am saddened for each and every family who was affected  and I am saddened for America in general.  What kind of world do we live in when people have to debate whether or not to ban assault weapons for anyone other than military or police? I mean think about it.  What would the average person really need them for? Are they planning to shoot up 50 dear at a time as one person said to me? 
 
What is America’s fascination with guns anyway?  Why do so many people feel they need to  have them? The average person who owns a gun for personal use never has to use them for self-defense. More times than not they either collect dust in the house or end up hurting the wrong person.  
 
Do we need to take a deeper look at the Americans who  love guns mindset? Could it be there real issue here is power? Do we feel son  disempowered in our everyday lives that we need to , yearn to, seek to find a
  way to feel like we are on top some way, somehow? Does having a gun give people   an adrenalin rush? All the while people are making millions of dollars off of citizen’s love of guns! Is this a price people want to keep paying for lives?  Do lives have dollar signs attached to them? 
  
I know people go to the shooting range regularly for fun.  They feel on top of the  world when they shoot a target. They say it’s good clean fun! But how can good clean fun be something that could ultimately take people’s lives? 
  
I found it interesting that the NRA deactivated their facebook & twitter accounts after this most recent gun spree at the elementary school. If people have such good reasoning for having these weapons, why hide behind your deactivated computer screens? 
 
Fortunately for me, I don’t want gun in my house! I have no desire to have a gun in my house. I go by the rule of thumb that guns don’t kill people, it’s the people behind them that do. I don’t want to be one of those people. I’m not interested in being that  person whose gun gets found accidentally by a child or is accessible to someone  else who could be in a fit of rage. 
 
So for all of you gun lovers, I hope this terrible mass killing makes you think about your actual reasons for having a gun and the statistics of people who have had to use them for intruders vs the ones who ended up hurting themselves, relatives or helpless individuals.  
  
And to the people of Newtown, CT may God give you comfort  as you mourn your angels.

            Copyright 2017                                                                  Aleasa M. Word

Seems like yesterday we were celebrating a the new year and right now we are getting ready to do it again. It's amazing how fast the year can go. I'll be open, 2017 can go as far as I"m concerned. Everything from a tough political climate to health issues and losing loved ones as well as money seemed to find their way to my doorstep. When I speak to others, it seems like they had the same kind of year. This year seemed pretty epic in the way of disappointments, challenges and battles to keep one's head above the proverbial water for more than I've ever seen before. 

With that in mind, I have to ask what did you do with all of the emotional energy used on all that happened in your life? Did you let it make you say forget the goals, I'm just trying to live or did you decide to use if for fuel for the future? As we round out these last few days of 2017 many have simply given up and decided to try again next year. But what's the point of thinking that way if you go into the new year with either the same strategy or lack of strategy as you did last year? You'll end up with the same results right?

For me, I've decided 2018 is the year of completion. Like so many, I have a lot of open projects and a lot of new ideas all the time. The problem with that is if you don't complete any of those projects, you're constantly left feeling unaccomplished. You don't have a pile of dones to go with the pile of to do's . It's like being a prayer worrier with a wall full of prayers and an empty bag with no answered prayers in it. Truth is every day we accomplish things but because they're not the big things we want to accomplish we act as if we've not gotten anything done.  

You my friend like me  have a lot to be proud of. Shoot simply said, just getting up daily and going to a job or business of your own to make ends meet is a huge accomplishment. So if you do nothing more than fill a bag with stickies that say done after you finish each work day, watch them pile up so you can see how much you've accomplished. EVen on the job we all complete SOMETHING because if we didn't  we wouldn't be able ot keep the job or keep our businesses open.  Give yourself credit for doing more than you thought you did. At the same time get your strategy in order for next year or even next week. 

As I"ve mentioned to those who are on my insiders subscriber list we must finish the year 4th Quarter Strong. We must get ready to finish this game and pull out the win before the year ends or set ourselves up for a winning season in 2018. This is not the tie to let go or give up. This is the time to get ready for the next win .So let's get this thing called life moving! 

Photo: Johnhain/Pixabay

Copyright 2017                                                                 by Aleasa Word 

​There has been a lot of talk recently about horizontal networking. Sadly, a good deal of people don’t know what horizontal networking is and  many who do don’t have any interest in participating in it. Without this important type of networking, the percentage of people who able to find success in their craft is drastically reduced even though there is most often room at the proverbial table for far more businesses we see seated there. Our society has become such a vertically minded group of people we often forget even the most successful people must come from somewhere. 

For those who don’t know what I’m talking about, here’s a quick definition. The horizon in the sky lends beauty to everyone in it’s line of sight. Stars and thing in outer space (out of reach) have to be looked at by looking straight up and you don’t get the benefit of the beauty around you. That’s the same in networking. We get used to the horizon because we see it every day and sometimes forget about its magnificence. Though there are many successful people who are doing great things we tend to only look up to them for success (beauty) and all the while push them further and further up while others who are also doing great things stay at the horizon level. A friend recently gave an example of how we make celebrities richer and richer supporting all of their new ventures yet when a local person offers the same products that are as good as or even better quality they are ignored instead of us networking horizontally to help each other achieve success together. Here are some tips to help you revamp your networking strategy to build a circle of beautiful horizons so you can all keep bringing each other up to the level of success you desire.

1. Create a circle filled with people who do different things. If you’re all competing to do the same thing, no one will want to give a bunch of effort to push others before they get to where they want to be when they feel competition.
2. Form small mastermind groups to strategize on how you can each pool resources to get ahead in whatever industries you are in.
3. Check your ego at the door. If you are interested in this, you may not have reached the level you’d like to so let you ego go, face where you are and begin building the network you need instead of the network you want.
4. Quit comparing yourself to celebrities. Stop saying things like I’m going to be the next whomever.  Be the next YOU so others will want to learn how to be successful like you. Make next year the year of being YOU and not being like them! You can achieve the levels you desire but do them as yourself.
5. Learn from the winners. Take lessons from those who have been successful and improve on them within your own circle of people. Lock arms and rise up together.
6.  Check your followers.  If you are on social media and all of your followers are people who do what you do, they’re not usually going to buy your product or services. You need people who want or need something you can help them with. You want followers who look at you as a solution to their problem. Your new horizontal network has a network they can connect you with but you have to be willing to do the same.
7. Give people a break. Stop judging and talking about others. This only brings you down and eventually your circles will know you aren’t in it for the long haul but only to step on other step on others to get what you want. If you’re comfortable with that, so be it; however, remember someone will eventually feel the same about you and do the same to you.
8. Keep your circle tight. You need a good circle as you develop your work and grow. You need solid people you can rely on because the sharks will come out once you achieve success.

Networking is not as hard as people think but what’s the sense of networking if it is not helping anyone. Horizontal networking is a great tool. Vertical networking is not a bad thing but it shouldn’t be the only type of networking you know how to do. Many use sites like Linked In for vertical networking because they want a job and it pays to get connected with those who can give you one. On the other hand, many others connect with those who can't employ them but who could potentially help them get clients but they don't reach out to them other than with a connect request and then they leave it at that. Simply said we have to do the work but it's how we do the work that matters most. 

Copyright 2017                                       Aleasa Word 

​A lot of people will tell you they don't care what others think of them. That may be true in some settings; but, as my mom says if they’d be honest, they would tell you it's really not the truth at all. Whether it is a parent, friend, sibling, community leader or even our boss at work, we all care what others think at times. Sadly, some care what others think all the time but mask it as checking in with others to get opinions but it’s really checking to see what their opinions are.

This is not to say that you should never care what people think though.  Something as simple as caring if the boss thinks you are up to the challenge of a new project certainly matters because it supports the idea of trust in both you as a person and your skills or knowledge. It also matters if your kids think look at you as someone they trust to take care of them or lead them the right direction.  Being a good parent who is looked upon as a good person or someone who does the best they can is certainly a want from parents.
What I'm discussing today; however, is when the feelings about what others think begin to undermine the value you feel you bring to the world.  Some may scoff at the thought; however, it is not so uncommon. Many secretly read self-help books on the topic. Some seek professional help for this concern and then others will fortunately grow out of that phase of life. Then there are those who almost obsess over what other things and even when they aren’t paying attention change their look or behaviors to those they feel will meet the ever changing opinions of others.  This is not just a woman issue or a man issue but instead a people issue.

I always thought I didn’t worry about what others thought of me. And then, (not sure of the exact quote) but I vaguely remember a television show host whose name began with an "O" being told by a writer with that once she was over 40 she wouldn't care what people thought. I laughed and thought to myself "I don't care about that now."  Looking back, I realize I lied to myself in the past and I cared a little too much what others thought and even owned some of their thoughts as my own. Things like not being smart enough to get ahead because I didn’t get my degree right out of high school like other was a thought directly taken from the corporate world that often tells us that without that piece of paper we have no value.  Surely getting my degree has been a win for me but I realized it made thing better when it became a personal win because I worked for it and not because it would prove something to others.

There were other things that did bother me when it came to what others thought of me like the look another woman would give as she did the up and down quick look we often think no one notices we do. When this happens frequently from the same people, you begin to wonder if your clothes are ok, if your hair is ok, if you are too big or small and even if you have something wrong with your makeup.  It can make you self-conscious but the difference with me is that I didn’t stay there. I realized that the up and down look was a sizing me up look much like animals do in the wild to one another. Sadly, many have learned this habit from our own parents not even noticing that the person we are sizing up CAN SEE US DOING IT! 

Even parents become concerned at times about what other think. For example, if you have  a rebellious teen, you may be concerned that people think you are somehow a bad parent because you can’t control your child’s behaviors. After all, there are studies that tell us the impact things have on kids when they have a bad upbringing right? So, if you wanted engage in "community logic" as I call it, it would stand to reason bad kids always mean bad parents right? WRONG! Though things like exposure to violence, drugs and abuse can certainly harm children psychologically as well as physically, not all kids with issues have bad parents. Genes and environmental factors as well as mental illness can be factors. Kids having different ways of expressing themselves can be seen as rebellious or being disruptive while our parental responses to behaviors can increase problems sometimes.  

The point of all of this is that we need to accept that we are human. We are flawed according to the invisible flawless judge of the world. We make mistakes. Sometimes we simply just make some messed up choices. Even when we make the best decisions in life it is important to remember that someone will always think something about you. We all THINK something about a lot of things throughout the day. The opinions formed of us from others can, however, be just as flawed as the flaw they think we have. A classic example of this is teenagers. When a teenager usually (no not always) sees another teenager who is new to them, they form and opinion. This opinion is most often not based on any information other than their view of people who look like “that”, act like “that” or who come from “that” kind of school or neighborhood. What does “that” mean to us though? In reality, the “that” can change from day to day. Today kids from poor (or rich) neighborhoods may be looked down on but tomorrow they may be looked at as cool because of their attitude.

No matter what we do, knowing what others think is not where our value should come from. I say do your best, right the wrongs you’ve done when you can and don’t judge yourself in the process. This may sound hard but just like we may have worried what another person thought of us the thinking we have of ourselves is more critical due to the reality that it produces self-talk which can build or destroy. People will think something of you ANYWAY because it’s human nature. As the saying goes though, sometimes we have to adapt an attitude of “what you think of my is not my business” and love ourselves the best we can in this thing called life as we move on to the next chapter. 


Photos: Pixabay/geralt