Copyright 2019    by Aleasa Word
Repost permitted with attribution and backlink

Dating in today's world can be crazy as hell yet for some it can be simply amazing.  There was a time that dating was just about meeting new people when you were out in public.  Then the online boom happened and people were all over the internet trying to find the perfect love. Being a person who was married and then finding this online boom post-divorce, I must say the struggle has been real.

There are so many ways to connect with people online that one would think it would be easy to find the person of their dreams; yet, for many it has become like a trek through a desert, forest and mountain climbing along with a swim across the ocean all at the same time where survival of the fittest is truly the mantra. First off, there are a ton of dating sites to select from and it can be overwhelming to find just the right one that fits your personality and budget. After you find the right one, you have to ask yourself if you have the stamina and finances to support this new habit of online dating which can be costly if you select paid dating sites that claim to match you with your perfect mate for a fee.  There is no attempt to bash the sites because they are just doing their best to offer a service…but when human behavior takes over, things can get sketchy.  Some of the more popular sites like Tinder, Match, Elite Singles, Bumble Zoosk and Hinge plug along with the infamous swipe game where people can swipe one direction for like and the other direction for get the heck out of here as they try to find the right person to start talking to.

After some weeding and seeding,  people usually find some folks they have a little interest in and the race begins to see how fast you can find out if the person you meet is truly who they say they are or if they’re a  fake taking advantage of a perfectly good site meant for love.  An example of that was recently reported about a case in Georgia where one of those fakes conned a lady out of  $80,000 because she thought she met the man of her dreams.  Admittedly his con happened really fast from what the news reported so without all the details I’d have to wonder what this poor lady was thinking as she sought out love. 

Once you finally weed out the ones you THINK are conning you, don’t get too comfortable. There is the serial ghoster waiting in the wings to break your confidence in goodness even more. These are the ones who date you a few times in some case months and decide one day they don’t want to deal with you anymore. Instead of being mature enough to say “hey I don’t think this is going to work out” they simply disappear. They stop calling, texting and coming around. At first, you may think, hey did they get hit by a bus or are they sick but when you peruse social media, you see them posting away so you realize you got GHOSTED! 

If you’ve developed feelings for them it’s like a gut punch without closure. If you haven’t developed any real feelings but started getting used to them it is still a hit that makes you really question your own ability to select dates. Often times you think this person at least is a pretty good friend so your friendship feelings can get hurt too because simply said, ghosting is just downright rude.  In many of these cases, you may have even asked them earlier if they feel it’s not their thing to let you know and the selfishness in them keeps them in the ring. Sadly though, when people ghost they often don’t think they owe anyone an explanation. That couldn’t be further from the truth.  To be honest when someone has trusted you to be a part of the most personal part of themselves you do at least owe them a goodbye even if it’s in a text message. People who do this usually have a tough time doing what they beleve is hurting others feelings when in fact you hurt feelings more by disappearing instead of simply saying it's not going to work. Many think by saying that they open themselves up to a ton of questions they don't want to answer but those they really don't have to answer. Once they've said this is not the thing for them, they've at least closed the loop and anything else is a bonus. 
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If you can make it through that and still find someone in the dating game who is genuine you have made it to the winner's circle. And I truly wish you and your new mate well because you have officially beat the odds and are off to a great start to a good future. CHEERS!  

Copyright 2019 
Alesasa M. Word
​
Do you ever have racing thoughts? Have you ever had a hard time focusing because you felt anxious about things in your life that either weren't going the right way or you were afraid would go the wrong way? Being worried and uncertain of things can really weight us down.  Anxiety seems to be growing at a record pace in Americans today. Not only are adults impacted but children as well. A simple search on anxiety can bring on a myriad of articles. 

Though nothing takes the pace of advice from a licensed therapist or psychiatrist, here are some tips that may help if you find yourself with occasional anxiety.:

 
1. Distance yourself from the worrisome thoughts. Learn to look at your anxious thoughts in a different way. 

• A huge help would be to truly reevaluate how you think about things. 

 

• When you get an anxious thought, immediately identify it as a sign of your worry and not reality.

 

• Labeling your thoughts correctly raises self-awareness and makes it easier to control them. It also gives you something else to focus on instead of constant worry.

 
2. Ask yourself questions. When you get an anxious thought, stop and ask yourself these questions: 

• What is the real reason for this anxious thought? What am I really afraid of?

 

• Is there real danger, or is my mind simply playing games with me?

 

• Is the negative outcome I’m imagining likely to happen?

 

• How can I stop or change these negative thoughts into something positive?

 
3. View your thoughts as data. Sometimes it’s helpful to view your thoughts as data and your mind as a data processing center. 

• You’ll get a lot of data coming in throughout the day. Some of this data can be incorrect and confusing. This is an example of anxious thoughts.

 

• You may also interpret the data incorrectly. This means you allow the anxious thoughts to take over and control you. You let them grow and fester.

 

• Thinking of your mind as a pseudo data processing center, you get to decide how to handle all the information. Remember you’re in control. This means you can choose to toss out or ignore the incorrect data.

 

• Also, keep in mind that the brain is designed to detect danger and is hypersensitive to it. You may pick up on things that aren’t even real.

 

1. Focus on the today. Many anxious thoughts are focused on either the future or the past. You can break free by focusing on the present.

 

• Avoid thinking too much about the past or future by interrupting these thoughts. Notice when you’re thinking about the past or future and guide your thoughts back to the present moment.

 

• Sometimes thoughts from the past can make you afraid of the future. Remember that the past doesn’t have to repeat itself. You have the power to change how your future will be shaped.

 
4. Take action. Anxious thoughts often prevent you from taking action. They keep you stuck in fear and worry. Learn to take action even when you’re afraid.​

5. Find one thing you can influence positively in that moment and take an action.
 

• Action can actually decrease the number of anxious thoughts you have on a daily basis. It can show you that there’s nothing to be afraid of, that you’re powerful, and that you can make a positive difference.

 
6. Get rid of unhelpful thoughts. Some thoughts may be true, but they aren’t helpful. 

• Learn to tell helpful and unhelpful thoughts apart.. Stress and anxiety don't help anyone. 

 

• Then, start to filter out the unhelpful ones. For example, if you know that the odds of making a perfect presentation at work are low, but you still have to do it, this is an unhelpful thought. It doesn’t encourage you to do your best.

 
Anxious thoughts don’t have to control your life. You can use these tricks to effectively take control of your mind when you find yourself worrying. If these tips aren’t enough, consider talking to a therapist for additional help.

by Aleasa Word                                    Copyright 2019

​When we think about forgiveness, we usually think about forgiving others. We know that harboring ill feelings towards others because of how they treated us or what they've done really hurts us in the long run more than the other person.  Logically we know this is what we need to do, however our subconscious mind hangs onto the pain associated with the act like it was the last sandwich in a food drought. 

Just as we know we need to forgive others for own peace of mind, the truth is we, need to forgive ourselves as well. With the forgiveness of others, it's sometimes easy to forgo that when we don't see those persons on a regular basis. We can fool ourselves into believing it's not necessary if they aren't a daily part of our lives. And even when they are in our lives regularly we can come us with some type of normal to justify the unforgiveness we harbor. When it comes to ourselves, it's an interesting situation. We are with ourselves every day. When we feel we have done something wrong we often beat up on ourselves over and over again. We punish ourselves as if somehow that will undo what we did. Truth is we can't change the past. It is the past for a reason....the time passed us by. All we can really do is work from today forward. We can do our darnedest to be the best person we can be today and every day after. We can look at our mistakes and find the lesson in each one so we can move forward. We can look at the teachable moments and see how we can apply the lessons to our future as building blocks. We can look for opportunities in each lesson and help others. This is a great way to start the forgiveness journey for ourselves. Not doing it will leave us sad and vulnerable to depression and isolation. 

Life is not a one size fits all event. It is not perfect and there is no manual for every situation. I encourage you to keep doing the very best you can and give yourself a break. Cut yourself some slack. Love yourself even when you've made choices that weren't the best. 

​Photo: Pixabay

by Aleasa Word                                                               Copyright 2019

​The average parent has ideas about what they think their child's future should look like. In most families they think about college as the next logical step after high school. When our kids begin to age into their high school years we still have that same mindset in most cases. Eventually kids figure out what they want to do as they transition into young adults and begin to assert their independence in making decisions about their future. 

What happens when the young adult's ideas about the next step differ from yours? Do you push because you know better since your brain is fully matured and life has taught you a bunch of lessons or do you allow them to find their way? Many parents make the mistake of pushing their kids into college when they are not ready. This step can result in kids feeling pressure to measure up in college. Added pressure can sometimes result in substance abuse problems, wasted scholarship money or mounds of student loan debt and no degree to show for it. Other times the push is about the major the young adult selects that creates a power struggle between them and the parents. 

Here are some things to consider when thinking about your child's next steps beyond high school:

• Do they really want to go to college or is it your idea?
• Are they independent enough to go and be successful?
• Where is their emotional maturity ? Will it hinder them from succeeding at college away from you? 
• How are their coping methods for stress and frustration? 
• Are you willing to put your own goals and dreams aside for them to let them make choices so they can be happy and mentally healthy functioning adults? 
• Have you considered alternative options if that's their preference like trade schools or certificate programs?
• Decide on distance for colleges that are reasonably within your budget in case you have to get to them
• What lessons in self care have you intentionally taught them? 
  • How to make their own appointments
  • How sleep affects their brain
  • What to do when they are overwhelmed
  • How to relax/decompress
  • How to set up car insurance, talk about credit, balance a budget, grocery shop, do laundry

There is a lot to look at when trying to help your child get to the next level. Being mindful to consider who they are, how they cope and what really makes sense for them will go a long way for them and for your relationship with them.  If you dreamed of your child being a doctor and they decide to be a pharmacy technician instead be mindful to have the same enthusiasm about their choice as what you would have had for your choice for them. If they want to be a barber you may think about how they can own a fleet of shops to help them be as successful as possible.  The possibilities are endless. Whatever they choose, as long as they become healthy, happy functioning adults they are in the right place. 

​Photo: Pixabay

by Aleasa Word                                 Copyright 2019

​We all know what we need to do to remain happy. We all know the know the things we should and should not put up with in relationships too. So since we know it all, why do we struggle through life the way we do?  Why do we continue to have the same results over and over again simply wishing for something different? 

More times than not, we end up with the same results because we don't let go of what makes us repeat the patterns in our behavior. We grow up with belief systems given to us by our families and those around us in our childhood. As we age, life's experiences often reinforce the subliminal thinking of our childhood as we allow ourselves to lean in the direction of those thoughts and beliefs. When we want something different, we try different strategies but they can become uncomfortable. When we are not comfortable whether consciously or subconsciously, we tend to retreat to a place where feel comfort hence giving us the same or similar results in our lives. 

To truly make the changes that will alter outcomes, you must learn that discomfort isn't always a bad thing. It can be the telltale sign that you are letting go of limiting beliefs that you've held for a long time. Letting go of beliefs that no longer serve you can be scary and make us feel like we are a traitor to our beliefs of those of our family. We want our beliefs to be right and we hold on somehow thinking we can prove that they are right instead of being ok with realizing they are no longer right for us in the place we currently are in our lives.  An example of such would be people who believed that women wearing pants was completely wrong and then having children who they passed this belief onto.  As time passed on, women became more independent and started wearing pants. It didn't change who they were but it changed their level of comfort on a day to day basis. In colder climates, it made life more bearable. In other settings, it simply gave women more flexibility. People got used to it and here we are today. Though clothing and mindsets about things like money, relationships, sex and such may be different we can still apply this thought process.  

If you want something different we say you have to do something different. I say you also have to think differently and be willing to be uncomfortable long enough to see that your new beliefs as long as they are not harming anyone may be the ones that change the game for you and get you better results. Let go, be uncomfortable and rethink what you believe. You deserve the ultimate life but it's up to you to believe that and to go get it. 

Photo: PIxabay

by Aleasa Word                                     Copyright 2019

​Everyone needs a source of income. If you're not born into wealth, at some point you'll have to get a job or start a business. For those working at companies they don't own, you don't necessarily get the option to pick the personalities you work with all the time. That can really be a downer if you end up at a place where the corporate culture allows for people to come in and be downright terrible to work with. So how does one function in a job they really need where they can't stand the people they work with? 

1. Figure out why you don't like your co-workers. Do some real soul searching about yourself. Sometimes it's really not the other people but instead it's our expectation of what or how people should act that rubs us the wrong way. If it really is a terrible culture this will lead you to think about some decisions you need to make. 
2. You need the job but is the stress of working there greater than your need for the money?  Perhaps you really need to look for another job. If it's really bad and you absolutely need money, consider working two jobs to fill the gap for this one if you quit. 
3. Talk to your manager but don't be accusatory. Try to make sure you don't play the blame or victim game. Let him/her know you have some concerns around the culture and want advice on the best way to get in sync with things so you can add value. 
4. Keep business business and personal personal. When you work in an office where there are a lot of problems, it's easy to get fooled from time to time when someone is nice to you. You become comfortable and tell more of your personal story than you'd like or you may sit in on a gossip session.  DON'T DO IT!   Be cordial but know the difference between business conversation and going too far. 
5. Focus on your goal! You are there to enhance your experience and collect a check.  Do the best work you can do. Focus on how this may grow your career long term. Don't sweat the small stuff. Learn as much as you can. Contribute as much as you can and when the time is right find another firm that aligns with your values. 

Working with others isn't always easy but if we look at how we receive the behaviors of others, it may help us fair better in the workplace. 

​Photo: Pixabay Free-Photos

by Aleasa Word                    Copyright 2019

​It seems in today's economy more people are beginning a small business on the side. Some are fine with the side hustle while others hope to turn their side dreams into main stage realities. Regardless of what your end game is for your small business, one thing for sure is that you must START THE BUSINESS! 

Are you stuck on how to start your business? Have you started and seem unsure what to do next? Here are a few quick things to consider if you haven't already. 

• Decide on how you want to incorporate. Research so you understand the difference between business entity types. Many start out with an LLC but that may not be the right type for you. Consider your own tax situation when deciding on which type to choose.
• Research your potential business name to ensure you won't get lost in the sauce as they say. Some names are already used so much no one will stand out. You 'll want to consider website addresses for your company as you seek out just the right name and also if there are entities in your state or on a national level with the same name. 
• Don't play with the IRS! When you get your business filed with your state make sure you deal with your tax ID number so you don't end up in any trouble with the IRS. You don't need that headache. 
• Think about your logo as you will need to consider how to brand your business. One of the first things people will look for is a quick symbol of who you are. Look at soda brands. We don't even have to read names on the cans, we just know. 
• Money, money, money!   Once your have your tax-id number you will need to start a bank account so that you keep the funds from your business separate from your personal funds. Co-mingling only creates nightmares at tax time and could cause major problems.  Be careful who you allow as a signer for your account as well. People sometimes change when there is money involved. 
• Get your people in place. Select a CPA and an attorney to have on standby for your needs
• The SBA is your friend!  You can check out the Small Business Association for additional tips and even get templates for things you'll need like your BUSINESS PLAN which is super important to create as a step in the new business set up. 
• Income flows. Once you get your business plan in placec start thinking of how you will get the income in and where you will set up. Will you have a home office or a separate place of business? Know the laws in your municipality. 

There are a great deal of things to consider when you are setting up your business and having a small business coach/consultant is a great help. Don't be afraid to let us know if we can help! 
​ Email hello@awordandcompany.com 

Photo: Pixabay Rawpixel

Copyright 2019                                                           Aleasa Word


​We’ve all heard the familiar phrase “failure is not an option.”  There are those who also say failure is a choice. These cliche’s are meant to get us through life and serve as motivation and confidence builders.  It would be nice if they worked all the time; however, they don’t and if we’re honest we know it. We have become accustomed to saying things without feeling and blindly embracing the meaning behind them to the point they become more ritualistic than realistic.
A recent conversation with a younger woman about failure led me to want to drop some old school knowledge to help her navigate through her 20’s on the way to her  30’s. It’s too bad that more people don’t realize the lessons they’ve learned along the way aren’t things to be ashamed of or forgotten.  Instead they should be shared with generations after us so they become healthier mentally, physically and financially at an earlier age thus continuing to help others.  The gratitude I have for the gift of knowledge many people who are older than me gave me is tremendous. Not only has it helped me through tough times but also prepared me to avoid some things I wouldn’t have thought about had they not gone through them.
With the above-mentioned thoughts in mind, I do believe two things we could do a better job of culturally at an earlier point is to teach younger people resiliency strategies earlier and imparting the concept of flexibility of perception. When I say teach, I’m not talking about just having conversations or lectures. Teaching to me is also about living what you tell younger people. That’s certainly can be done yet generation after generation many still practice “do as I say not as I do” parenting and business leadership. Think of the following timeline for example.  Babies watch to learn as they develop into children who are independent thinkers. Those thinkers  become teenagers trying to make sense of it all and then suddenly they’re thrust into young adulthood to make choices based really on what they’ve seen. What they see isn’t always explained to them in a way their developing mind can understand. We are so busy we forget that. This understanding whether narrow or broad becomes part of the way they interact and communicate as young adults.  It is then no wonder people scratched their heads when many in my age group were younger and why we continue to scratch our heads at some of the choices made by some younger people. Notice I said some because we know not all people are alike nor am I picking on anyone.
Listen up folks, whether they are your newly graduated co-workers, your children or other impressionable people that somehow cross your path, they watch just about everything you do.  They know your mannerisms when you tell the truth and your mannerisms when you lie if they’ve been around you long enough. They know everything from your spending habits to stress habits. They understand your communication style or lack of communication style as well as your conflict resolution style and more. Subsequently, the way you handle what you personally believe to be “failure” has a significant impact on the way they deal with disappointments.  This then gets passed down to the next generation whether they are your children, young employees or people in the community.
To begin to build that resiliency for both yourself and others, a perception change is in order. Perceptions are the lens of beliefs we tie ourselves to and then fight like heck to keep even though they don’t always serve us for eternity thus creating the opposite of resiliency.  Today I leave you with a phrase I used in my daily inspirational videos I post on Instagram.  Wait for it…………. “YOUR MISSTEP IS YOUR BEST STEP IN THE SET UP FOR YOUR COME UP!”  This is one of the many statements we can use to change the way we look things that don’t go the way we expected or wanted them to so we can build a more resilient mindset.   We are all successful; however, it’s up to us to look at it that way. You can not grow unless you have something to grow from and resiliency allows that to happen.
Photo Credit: pixabay/perianjs

Copyright 2018                                       Aleasa Word

​oar too often I hear stories of leaders who cracked under pressure begin to act harshly with staff due to low productivity or sales numbers. The rationale behind it is usually that if the staff worked harder the sales wouldn't be down so they need to "get them back in line." Though there may be instances when staff has taken advantage of lax controls in a company, the "crackdown" approach isn't always the best approach.
Let's look at a company who relies on sales to keep them afloat. If an employee is disengaged, it is usually easy to spot THAT employee. If all the sales numbers are down, there is a bigger issue at play. Is your product stale? Is there a new competitor that is in the way? Have regulations, technology or protocols in your industry changed in such a way that it is hindering your employees' ability to do their jobs the same way they used to? There could be a number of reasons that your goals are not being met depending on what your company actually does. As such, there are a number of better ways to deal with this other than treating staff like they are like inmates in a prison . Doing so may cost you all of your staff and then you'd be asking yourself how do I keep this company afloat all by myself with no staff left? People who leave companies do so for a host of reasons and often they leave when companies need them most because they aren't treated as though they have value when the chips are down.
Leaders who have taken the time to really study how to manage people have a good grasp on the answer to this issue. Sadly, when under pressure many forget that answer and go back to their style of origin which is the proverbial crackdown. When thinking this through, it would behoove us all to think about what we do with our customers as a way to think of how to deal with staff to get more customers. Just as you may work to give incentives to new clients, unhappy clients or existing clients, one can not forget that your employees are your customers too! People, in general, more often respond better to a reward system than to a punishment system.
Wait...before you post opposition to that last statement hear me out. **Based on a 2011 report from Pew Research the average rate of recidivism in the United States was listed at 43%. Subsequently, a report by the DOJ (department of justice) noted that 68% of over 400,000 prisoners from 30 states who were released in 2005 were re-arrested for new crimes within 3 years and another 77% within 5 years. Whoa!!!!! This is to say you're running a prison (unless you are); however, that speaks to this issue a bit more. The real lesson here is this. You can catch more bees with honey (I know it's a cliche'). Creating a hostile environment for your staff will not make them work harder. It will make them hostile, bitter towards each other, poor performers with customers and eventually your staff will begin to leave. Though you may think their leaving in favor of fresh talent might be the answer, certainly, all of them leaving within a short period of time will cause you more issues.
Help your employees see why they can do better and give them the incentive to do so.
Originaly Published on LInkedIn
**Info obtained: http://www.atlascorps.org/blog/recidivism-united-states-overview/

​​Copyright 2018                              by  Aleasa Word

How many times have you wondered what a life coach does? Have you asked yourself, why would I pay someone to tell me what I already know about myself? Maybe you don’t know what personal coaches really do or maybe you’ve had a bad experience with one. Here are 7 real reasons why people need a personal coach and they’re not just fluff either:

1. Investments that Grow – When you put money into a savings account, 401k, the stock market, CDs or other investment vehicles you expect a return on your investment right? You know there is a risk, however you allow yourself to believe that the return will offset the return. You will be able to actually see the fruit of your investment labor when it’s all finished. The same holds true about investing in yourself. Having money in one pot with no growth vehicle keeps it safe (we think) but it’s stuck there sitting stagnant. It never gets any better and if the value of the dollar changes it may get worse. When you don’t invest in yourself you become stuck and stagnant. Things that once fulfilled you often don’t anymore. Things you once dreamed to do sit on the back burner, become half finished or don’t end up with the result that gives you the feeling you thought they would. Investing in yourself helps you grow to heights you sometimes didn’t realize you could reach because of fear, lack of support or unclear paths due to past experiences.
2. Accountability – How many times have you made a new year resolution or decided you’d do something new and after a few days, a month or more you quit? What’s the excuse…I didn’t really want to do that or I wasn’t that invested? Look! Change is hard!!! Without someone to be there with you who is invested in your success going solo isn’t the easiest thing. Maybe you’ve gone solo in a lot of areas of life but there is usually at least one or two that the solo gig just isn’t working and you need someone there celebrating the baby steps and helping you push through the harder steps.
3. No Judgments Boo – When we look to people we know personally to help us through change, we often times don’t show our whole selves. The whole self can be scary to face and we usually want to seem like we’re still in control even when life has scared the sh*t out of us. Coaches don’t care to judge you because they are too busy working their butts off to help you make it to your goals. They are invested and if you’ve ever had one who was not, they are not a real coach!
4. Money and Reputations – Hiring a coach is like hiring another contractor. You expect a certain level of service for what you pay. You expect to get some stuff done without being judged and learn new ways to do things that kept you stuck before. Because you are actually paying a coach, they have a lot to lose if they aren’t really invested in helping you. They will lose not only your money but face the potential for ruining their reputation for not doing their jobs properly. Coaches know bad news travels fast and even faster when you’ve wasted your money on a coach. Good coaches help you spell out your goals early and let you know up front what their style is, how qualified they are and usually have some great valid references.
5. Experience Matters – When you finally get to the point you realize it’s time for a coach, you don’t want the neighborhood advice giver to be the one to help you out. You want a qualified person who knows their stuff.  Coaches that make coaching their life spend a great deal of time on continuing education to ensure they can help you. They also know enough to know they too can have their own coaches for various areas of what they do because they have to stay on their A game to be the best accountability partner for you.
6. Happiness is Key – Life is short and we know it. We say it a lot but don’t always subscribe that mindset. To put it into perspective, think of how old you are today. Doesn’t it seem like yesterday you were a kid, teen, new parent, new bride/husband, new employee etc?  Time waits for no one and you can think you’ve got time but why waste the days you have being unhappy, unfulfilled, unsuccessful or simply just searching for more. Life is meant to be lived and to be lived as happily as we can live it. Coaches help you figure out how to reach your goals, dreams and desires so you can live a life you enjoy.
7. Celebrity Style – Ok, this one is a little vein.  Have you ever seen someone with a personal trainer, personal chef, personal stylist, personal assistant and so on? It seems like a status symbol of sorts when people have people who cater to them personally. Now I know not all people are into status symbols but think of the way a personal coach can be looked at. You hire them because you care enough about your life so that they can personally make sure to help you , listen to you and work with you to make what YOU want happen. They are personally invested in YOU!!!!!! Their whole job is focused on helping your reach the goals you set. You get to set the tone for how things go and they help you do it. Now that’s status and success all wrapped up in one.

Just remember that no one person can do and be everything.  Though we like to think we are superheros, we aren’t.  WE are humans doing the best we can every day. No matter how educated or financially well off we are though, we can all get stuck from time to time. Your coach is your way to get through that if you feel compelled enough to invest in yourself. When your desire for change becomes bigger than your desire to stay in the same rut, you’ll make a decision. Goals change often because life changes often. When goals change, we change and when we change life changes.   That my friend, is why you need a real coach.
Photo: The Digital Artist/Pixabay

by Aleasa Word                                      Copyright 2018

​Have you ever wondered why people go year after year talking about their new year resolutions? Some choose weight loss and then hog up time in the gym from the regular exercise pros for about 30 days and then begin to fall off. Or they join one of the many weight loss clinics or programs paying tons of money for joining fees and food only to let it go in about 30 days. Then there are the others who swear off cursing, certain foods, mindless sex or plan to improve their parenting skills overnight. And let's not forget the ones who vow to become more religions, gossip less or seek to find themselves somewhere between December 31 and January 1st.  
The list of things people create resolution about are endless but most wind up ending after a few weeks. It's kind of funny and sad at the same time. 

What if we lived in a world where not one even thought about creating resolutions or lofty goals? Would people be happier?  Honestly, we'd believe in what people said more that's for sure. If people just started eating healthier and exercising more, they'd lose the weight without the pressure of everyone watching them the first 30 days as they sneak food when people aren't listening or lie about the workouts we know they're not doing. I've been one of those people too many times, so I know first hand how it goes. Or what if people didn't 'try to pressure themselves to stop cursing or having mindless sex and instead took their time to think things through in life and make better decisions about things that were really serving them or how their own behaviors were the cause of some of the problems they faced routinely? What if people decided to value themselves enough to make others see their value and stuck to their standards instead of looking for love in all the wrong places when they really needed to start by loving themselves? How would life look if people didn't try to gain attention through health conditions instead of looking for real ways to be healthier? Or how about if people didn't find so much in tearing others down and instead worked to build them up so their desire to gossip diminished naturally? 

It's admirable to want to do better or be better. It's silly, however to think that overnight one can change habits that took years to create.  Living one day at a time being the best person you can be and giving yourself a chance to learn more and do better gives better long term results than trying to magically change five things overnight.  It is my hope that 2018 is a great year for you and those you care for. Take your time my friends and enjoy the journey along the way. Remember to give yourself some slack because after all you are human. 

Photo: Pixabay

            Copyright 2017                                                                  Aleasa M. Word

Seems like yesterday we were celebrating a the new year and right now we are getting ready to do it again. It's amazing how fast the year can go. I'll be open, 2017 can go as far as I"m concerned. Everything from a tough political climate to health issues and losing loved ones as well as money seemed to find their way to my doorstep. When I speak to others, it seems like they had the same kind of year. This year seemed pretty epic in the way of disappointments, challenges and battles to keep one's head above the proverbial water for more than I've ever seen before. 

With that in mind, I have to ask what did you do with all of the emotional energy used on all that happened in your life? Did you let it make you say forget the goals, I'm just trying to live or did you decide to use if for fuel for the future? As we round out these last few days of 2017 many have simply given up and decided to try again next year. But what's the point of thinking that way if you go into the new year with either the same strategy or lack of strategy as you did last year? You'll end up with the same results right?

For me, I've decided 2018 is the year of completion. Like so many, I have a lot of open projects and a lot of new ideas all the time. The problem with that is if you don't complete any of those projects, you're constantly left feeling unaccomplished. You don't have a pile of dones to go with the pile of to do's . It's like being a prayer worrier with a wall full of prayers and an empty bag with no answered prayers in it. Truth is every day we accomplish things but because they're not the big things we want to accomplish we act as if we've not gotten anything done.  

You my friend like me  have a lot to be proud of. Shoot simply said, just getting up daily and going to a job or business of your own to make ends meet is a huge accomplishment. So if you do nothing more than fill a bag with stickies that say done after you finish each work day, watch them pile up so you can see how much you've accomplished. EVen on the job we all complete SOMETHING because if we didn't  we wouldn't be able ot keep the job or keep our businesses open.  Give yourself credit for doing more than you thought you did. At the same time get your strategy in order for next year or even next week. 

As I"ve mentioned to those who are on my insiders subscriber list we must finish the year 4th Quarter Strong. We must get ready to finish this game and pull out the win before the year ends or set ourselves up for a winning season in 2018. This is not the tie to let go or give up. This is the time to get ready for the next win .So let's get this thing called life moving! 

Photo: Johnhain/Pixabay

Copyright 2017                                                                 by Aleasa Word 

​There has been a lot of talk recently about horizontal networking. Sadly, a good deal of people don’t know what horizontal networking is and  many who do don’t have any interest in participating in it. Without this important type of networking, the percentage of people who able to find success in their craft is drastically reduced even though there is most often room at the proverbial table for far more businesses we see seated there. Our society has become such a vertically minded group of people we often forget even the most successful people must come from somewhere. 

For those who don’t know what I’m talking about, here’s a quick definition. The horizon in the sky lends beauty to everyone in it’s line of sight. Stars and thing in outer space (out of reach) have to be looked at by looking straight up and you don’t get the benefit of the beauty around you. That’s the same in networking. We get used to the horizon because we see it every day and sometimes forget about its magnificence. Though there are many successful people who are doing great things we tend to only look up to them for success (beauty) and all the while push them further and further up while others who are also doing great things stay at the horizon level. A friend recently gave an example of how we make celebrities richer and richer supporting all of their new ventures yet when a local person offers the same products that are as good as or even better quality they are ignored instead of us networking horizontally to help each other achieve success together. Here are some tips to help you revamp your networking strategy to build a circle of beautiful horizons so you can all keep bringing each other up to the level of success you desire.

1. Create a circle filled with people who do different things. If you’re all competing to do the same thing, no one will want to give a bunch of effort to push others before they get to where they want to be when they feel competition.
2. Form small mastermind groups to strategize on how you can each pool resources to get ahead in whatever industries you are in.
3. Check your ego at the door. If you are interested in this, you may not have reached the level you’d like to so let you ego go, face where you are and begin building the network you need instead of the network you want.
4. Quit comparing yourself to celebrities. Stop saying things like I’m going to be the next whomever.  Be the next YOU so others will want to learn how to be successful like you. Make next year the year of being YOU and not being like them! You can achieve the levels you desire but do them as yourself.
5. Learn from the winners. Take lessons from those who have been successful and improve on them within your own circle of people. Lock arms and rise up together.
6.  Check your followers.  If you are on social media and all of your followers are people who do what you do, they’re not usually going to buy your product or services. You need people who want or need something you can help them with. You want followers who look at you as a solution to their problem. Your new horizontal network has a network they can connect you with but you have to be willing to do the same.
7. Give people a break. Stop judging and talking about others. This only brings you down and eventually your circles will know you aren’t in it for the long haul but only to step on other step on others to get what you want. If you’re comfortable with that, so be it; however, remember someone will eventually feel the same about you and do the same to you.
8. Keep your circle tight. You need a good circle as you develop your work and grow. You need solid people you can rely on because the sharks will come out once you achieve success.

Networking is not as hard as people think but what’s the sense of networking if it is not helping anyone. Horizontal networking is a great tool. Vertical networking is not a bad thing but it shouldn’t be the only type of networking you know how to do. Many use sites like Linked In for vertical networking because they want a job and it pays to get connected with those who can give you one. On the other hand, many others connect with those who can't employ them but who could potentially help them get clients but they don't reach out to them other than with a connect request and then they leave it at that. Simply said we have to do the work but it's how we do the work that matters most. 

Copyright 2017                                       Aleasa Word 

​A lot of people will tell you they don't care what others think of them. That may be true in some settings; but, as my mom says if they’d be honest, they would tell you it's really not the truth at all. Whether it is a parent, friend, sibling, community leader or even our boss at work, we all care what others think at times. Sadly, some care what others think all the time but mask it as checking in with others to get opinions but it’s really checking to see what their opinions are.

This is not to say that you should never care what people think though.  Something as simple as caring if the boss thinks you are up to the challenge of a new project certainly matters because it supports the idea of trust in both you as a person and your skills or knowledge. It also matters if your kids think look at you as someone they trust to take care of them or lead them the right direction.  Being a good parent who is looked upon as a good person or someone who does the best they can is certainly a want from parents.
What I'm discussing today; however, is when the feelings about what others think begin to undermine the value you feel you bring to the world.  Some may scoff at the thought; however, it is not so uncommon. Many secretly read self-help books on the topic. Some seek professional help for this concern and then others will fortunately grow out of that phase of life. Then there are those who almost obsess over what other things and even when they aren’t paying attention change their look or behaviors to those they feel will meet the ever changing opinions of others.  This is not just a woman issue or a man issue but instead a people issue.

I always thought I didn’t worry about what others thought of me. And then, (not sure of the exact quote) but I vaguely remember a television show host whose name began with an "O" being told by a writer with that once she was over 40 she wouldn't care what people thought. I laughed and thought to myself "I don't care about that now."  Looking back, I realize I lied to myself in the past and I cared a little too much what others thought and even owned some of their thoughts as my own. Things like not being smart enough to get ahead because I didn’t get my degree right out of high school like other was a thought directly taken from the corporate world that often tells us that without that piece of paper we have no value.  Surely getting my degree has been a win for me but I realized it made thing better when it became a personal win because I worked for it and not because it would prove something to others.

There were other things that did bother me when it came to what others thought of me like the look another woman would give as she did the up and down quick look we often think no one notices we do. When this happens frequently from the same people, you begin to wonder if your clothes are ok, if your hair is ok, if you are too big or small and even if you have something wrong with your makeup.  It can make you self-conscious but the difference with me is that I didn’t stay there. I realized that the up and down look was a sizing me up look much like animals do in the wild to one another. Sadly, many have learned this habit from our own parents not even noticing that the person we are sizing up CAN SEE US DOING IT! 

Even parents become concerned at times about what other think. For example, if you have  a rebellious teen, you may be concerned that people think you are somehow a bad parent because you can’t control your child’s behaviors. After all, there are studies that tell us the impact things have on kids when they have a bad upbringing right? So, if you wanted engage in "community logic" as I call it, it would stand to reason bad kids always mean bad parents right? WRONG! Though things like exposure to violence, drugs and abuse can certainly harm children psychologically as well as physically, not all kids with issues have bad parents. Genes and environmental factors as well as mental illness can be factors. Kids having different ways of expressing themselves can be seen as rebellious or being disruptive while our parental responses to behaviors can increase problems sometimes.  

The point of all of this is that we need to accept that we are human. We are flawed according to the invisible flawless judge of the world. We make mistakes. Sometimes we simply just make some messed up choices. Even when we make the best decisions in life it is important to remember that someone will always think something about you. We all THINK something about a lot of things throughout the day. The opinions formed of us from others can, however, be just as flawed as the flaw they think we have. A classic example of this is teenagers. When a teenager usually (no not always) sees another teenager who is new to them, they form and opinion. This opinion is most often not based on any information other than their view of people who look like “that”, act like “that” or who come from “that” kind of school or neighborhood. What does “that” mean to us though? In reality, the “that” can change from day to day. Today kids from poor (or rich) neighborhoods may be looked down on but tomorrow they may be looked at as cool because of their attitude.

No matter what we do, knowing what others think is not where our value should come from. I say do your best, right the wrongs you’ve done when you can and don’t judge yourself in the process. This may sound hard but just like we may have worried what another person thought of us the thinking we have of ourselves is more critical due to the reality that it produces self-talk which can build or destroy. People will think something of you ANYWAY because it’s human nature. As the saying goes though, sometimes we have to adapt an attitude of “what you think of my is not my business” and love ourselves the best we can in this thing called life as we move on to the next chapter. 


Photos: Pixabay/geralt

Copyright 2017                                             by Aleasa Word​ 

I've often heard women ask why we have to go through so many things. If you think about the journey of womanhood, it is sometimes overwhelming to talk about the challenges many face. Whether affected by illness, divorce, financial distress or anything else, the role of women always seems to be one that must be strong enough to endure with a smile and still give hope to others.
In my life, I have had the opportunity and challenge to be the leaning post for so many people I can’t count. My family has always believed me to be a pillar of strength and knowledge for when they need to be inspired to remain strong. My friends have looked to me as their never bending confidant. One friend recently told me she felt I’m like a piece of glass that even when it breaks from life’s challenges it always remains a peace of glass, strong and shiny. And I dare not forget that even my parents have been proud of my ability to endure the trials of life that have hit me hard while often letting me know how I came from strength passed down from generations. What happens when we as women simply can’t smile? Who do we turn to? Who do we lean on when the entire world is leaning on us?
If you’re anything like me, some days having to be the strong one gets downright tiring. It can be terribly frustrating to feel like you can’t take a minute off to be the one who needs someone else’s strength to lean on when life sends you a curve ball. The reality is that if we don’t learn how to stand down for lack of a better term, the pressure can be like a ticking time bomb in our bodies. Super women can become super weak and begin to think we are losing our drive to push for hope and even our minds right along with it.
From the young ladies with ancestors who survived torture and enslavement to those who did not, women share a common thread in this thing called life!  We make our kids feel better when they’re scared. And though men are taking more of a role in caring for families than ever before, we are still looked to for our wisdom and ability to figure things out against all odds. We are the warm and nurturing force that will still fight for our young. We are the caregivers that will spend our last drop of energy taking care of the sick and needy while taking a moment to feel sorry for those that harm us at the same time. Simply said, we are the portals from which life comes. We are THAT vessel that is used to continue populating and caring for our precious mother earth. That includes women who can’t have children as well.  Though they may never physically produce a child the spirit of life in their hearts and minds bears fruit every day they breath on this earth and in many case long beyond.
In this world there will be challenges that women face and no one even knows about. Some may carry the family past infidelity or illness. Some may walk to encourage other women to be the best they can be and not forget to care for themselves in the process. When our bodies break down we still fight to make a difference. We smile when we are hurting and encourage others. We have an endless bank of hope in our arsenal of womanhood.
Women may fight but when the rough times come we learn to band together. We help our sisters in our families, sisters at work, sisters in churches and throughout the communities we work and live in. We are that smile and that soft touch that says it’s going to be ok. We are the voice that lets others we got this and the plan will come together somehow.
In recent years, my struggles left me without the ability to be that strong person in my family for a bit. It was the women in my family who stepped up the most to help with the things I needed to do so I could stay on top of what was important in my own life. It was then that what was always in front of me because so apparently clear. Even when I’d thought things were bad during times of challenge there was hope. There was hope that the next day would be better. There was hope that I’d understand the meaning of things I was dealing with. There was hope that my kids would get through things unscathed. There was hope that the creator I believe in God himself would step in and make things right.
Life is HOPE! And women are the portal through which that hope travels with every birth and every child nurtured to become the very best they can be. Hope is you, hope is me! 

​Photo: DawnFu/Pixabay

Im        by Aleasa Word                                                                       Copyright 2017

Ok, let’s face it, everyone wants to be heard. No matter if you’re an introvert, extrovert or ambivert, at some point in life you will want to be heard. You’ll want to be heard for YOUR contributions to the world not just those that you support. Of course supporting others is great and necessary; however, we all want to feel a personal sense of accomplishment and that starts with being duh, being heard.
So how do you get those to hear you who are in your immediate circle? How to you get those to hear you who are at work or in the space within your field of work? The first thing is to realize that each of those communities mentioned has a different set of ears! Yup, that’s it. What people will hear is based on what they want to hear and what matters to them. Here are a few tips on making sure what you have to say is heard by the masses.

1. Pick your audience – As I mentioned all audiences are not created the same. What makes your mom tick is not always going to be what makes your co-workers or boss tick. Your kids and even those you sell products to simply need to hear you speak from a place that matters to THEM. Once you figure that out, it’s much easier to speak a language that resonates with them.
2. Trial and error matter – You know the saying “if you don’t succeed, try tray again? There’s a lot of wisdom in that phrase. Don’t get discouraged early on when you’re trying to be heard. Practice makes perfect is what I say. Always reflect back on the pros and cons when trying to determine why things didn’t go as planned.
3. Culture and gender matter – I know we live in a world today where many have chosen to identify with gender neutral. That’s perfectly ok; however, I don’t think if I talked about issues with a man’s prostate I’d be heard by many women EXCEPT as it pertains to the men in their lives they love. The same could be said if I spoke on a uniquely women’s issue. Many things are in fact gender neutral but for those that aren’t’ keep in mind what resonates with the group you want to hear you. The same thing goes when thinking on cultural differences
4. Empower their ear – As great of a speaker as I’d like to think I am, I am not naïve to the fact that everyone wants to hear me speak. That could be the same for you wherever you’re trying to be heard. If in that position, think about how you can empower your listeners to take action or be part of what it is you want them to hear in some way. People like to feel included. Empower them and watch them perk up.
5. Move on – Unless it’s something life threatening sometimes you have to simply move on to a new audience. That’s not so easy when you’re talking about intimate relationships though, so that’s why I listed more suggestions When not in the love space

Anything you want to work well takes practice. Even if you get it right the first time out of the block, there’s always the next time you may not be able to predict. Keep trying and remember, what you hear in your head isn’t always what they hear in their ears and minds. 

Image: Public Domain /Pixabay

Copyright 2017                                                               Aleasa M. Word

 It’s no secret that we are living in some stressful times. Every day we hear a new story on the news about our current administration. Whether you agree with the policies or not, there’s no way to deny that the line has been drawn in the sand on many sides. There is a us and them mentality that has caused so much stress for those on both sides of things and it can be downright scary. President Trump is not the most liked president in my humble opinion, but he is the current president and if nothing else, his administration has made lots of headlines. 

In addition to the political environment the United States has recently been ravaged by large scale brush fires, hurricanes, protests and fights about everything from healthcare to education.  How do we turn it off when this is all that we see on television, hear on radio and read on social media? How do we escape it all? Should we escape it all? The sad part is we really can’t escape it. It is in our workplaces, it is in public, it’s at our kids schools and in our doctors offices. It is like a contagion we want to ignore while knowing we still need to be informed about what’s going on.
So how do we cope? Below I’ve outlined some basic strategies to help you cope no matter where you stand in your beliefs on the issues.

1. Step back and know that YOU are not in charge of changing the world all by yourself. That’s a big job and we have lots of players. You can only do your part and not take on the role of the savior because you will burn out faster than you will fix things.
2. Embrace change and differences.  Sometimes we become afraid of what we don’t know and are uncomfortable with. This creates stress and defensiveness.  Different is not always bad or good. Sometimes it needs no word of judgment at all and instead a simple realization that things are just different.
3. Acknowledge you like to have some feeling of control. The truth is we all like to have some feeling of things being controlled or being in control from time to time. This helps us know what we can expect instead of being blindsided and then having our body see the new issue as a threat that causes stress. Know that control can be bad and good but some things will be out of our control
4. Find some self-soothing techniques. What do you do to relax? Did I hear you say you don’t have time to relax? It’s a necessary thing to help us keep our body healthy an healing. Don’t believe me? Look at the impact of trauma on the body long term according to the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study from the 90’s.  You’re probably not a kid anymore but If trauma and stress can impact a child’s long term health, what can it do to yours at you current age?
5. Surround yourself with compassionate people. We often get stressed because those around us don’t share our core values. It’s ok to not have the same values all the time as long as we show compassion towards each other as humans and respect the boundaries of our values.
6. Live a little.  Take some time away from it all to spend with those you love and leave the conversations about all the ugliness in the world behind. 
7. Take a technology break.  News is all over your smart phone! It is on social media and in your email as well as on your television and radio.  Schedule an intentional break to get back to being mindful about your own life.

We want unity and harmony in the world. People have wanted that for centuries and it has never happened. There is no harm in hoping for it; however, there is harm in stressing about it and trying to control it every day. Take time to make you own self-care a priority. It may change your life and could certainly at least make it better. 

Photo: Pixabay/Ronny K

    Copyright 2015                                                                                                            Aleasa M. Word

Mama never said life would be easy, but I don't remember her saying it would be this hard either. This world is full of strange variables that simply didn't seem to appear when I was growing up. Then again maybe that was because I wasn't an adult and privy to the ups and downs of adult life. On third pass, I'll stick with...no it wasn't like this at all!!!

If you watch the news, after the first 5 minutes you very well may become depressed. If you go on the internet, the posts on social media can take you from happy go lucky to pissed off and bankrupt within a minute or two.  Everything from cyber bullying, hacking of adultery websites, police brutality, fake baby daddy stories and a race for the white house that includes a guy named "Deez Nuts" running for what was once the most prestigious office in the nation screams at us daily.  All I can say is "What in the name of Sam Hill is going on?" Hmm... Sam Hill... never did know who he was but it was often family member's solution for not cursing and saying the word Hell. 

Children of today don't get the opportunity in many parts of the country to stay out until the street lights come on with just an occasional check in to get a drink of water of or popsicle because it's too dangerous. Drive by shootings, walk by shootings and stand in your face shootings are all around wounding innocent children who don't even know how to hold a gun. Technology pushes workers to move as fast as machines and if they can't they're replaced with the next person who has enough energy to run for a while as older workers are put out to pasture and often found at places like Wawa, Quick Trip or Walmart. At least those places will hire them because many corporations seem to have problems with the over 55 crowd as they get close to retirement and packages become an option.

I'd like to say there is a silver lining in the cloud of this post today but I'm still trying to find it. How on earth can today's kids be focused on education and emotional stability when we adults have allowed the country to go to "hell in a handbasket"?  What do we as adults plan to do to get things on some sort of track that is at least manageable for our children's futures and even ours as we age?  We can blame everyone else and say it is society's fault, but aren't we society? Who is responsible for voting...we are! Who is responsible for investigating the candidates that even get to run in the first place...we are! Who is responsible for changing laws that tear families apart, erase responsibility for dead beat parents and create school to prison pipelines for children....we are! Who is responsible for a wave of fatherlessness when certain populations in the country are set up for failure and then we judge the fatherless kids for being a mess and a menace to society...we are!

It's not an easy road to make changes and these thorns are sticking the hell out of all of us but we have to stop being complacent, saying things like "there's no use" "it's a shame" "why doesn't someone do something" etc and get off our rear ends to be the change that America needs. 

Today's call to action: What will you do THIS day to make a change in your workplace, family, community, prisons, politics or healthcare?

Photo: Flickr/Yogendra Joshi

Copyright 2017                                                                                 by Aleasa Word

A few days ago I decided to take a break from social media. I realized all of the stories out there were really beginning to take a toll on my psyche. It took some real thinking to figure out that was what was happening to me but after  reading a few articles, I noticed I was stressed and pretty snappy to those around me. I tried to figure out why and even privately blamed those around me for just getting on my nerves as if somehow more than one person decided it was "Get on Mz. Word's damn nerves day" or something.  

Shortly thereafter,  I decided I needed to reflect. What happened in the span of a half hour? I had been having a pretty good day and then for some reason I was just cranky. It dawned on me. I'd just read a few things on Facebook and someone put a comment on a post hat rubbed me the wrong way. I clicked off of that post and then another post had a comment from someone that had me feeling the same way. The topics were both the same and I thought "why are these people tied to these opinions? " As I'd read comments, it wasn't the fact that I disagreed with their comments that bothered me but instead it seemed they disagreed with their own comments as well. After their original posts people replied. Once people replied they became very angry but were not able to support their original comments and almost wrote in a way that they contradicted what they said but were so angry in how they typed it didn't make sense. Some of the people replying to them were insensitive and posted rude things; however others posted real logic in a way that would make almost anyone think. The feeling I got was that these had no desire to think. They were simply tied to their first statement and that was what they were sticking to. 

After that night I planned to take a break, but because of business I really can't. It did make me begin to think differently about how people post on social media and begin to analyze not the differing opinions but the opinions people had that no longer served them. Despite being given factual information and not even being able to support their own arguments people really became and stayed tied to opinions. What is the underlying factor here? Why couldn't someone just say "ok, I didn't think of that" or something along those lines? 

Often times what I've found is that people are not tied to the opinions as much as they don't want to feel like they lost.  It's as if somehow saying that another person's view is right means they are wrong. The other view could just be a more informed view and they may not be bashing the other person at all but instead enlightening them. WE as a society have become so addicted to right and wrong that we will practically make fools of ourselves just to stick to our proverbial guns to be right when there is no harm in changing opinions based on new information. This mindset is everywhere and it is most dangerous to me in intimate relationships with our mates, parenting and when leaders in business feel this way. This unhealthy tie can be detrimental especially over the long term in relationships. In the workplace it can even make employees leave when managers act this way. 

Information changes all the time. What is reported in the news does not always contain all the information someone may need to form an informed opinion. Past experiences may even factor into how we form opinions. Without learning to be flexible we increase stress in relationships and build hostility. What we also do to ourselves is create stress pockets that are simply not necessary. Life is hard enough without self-inflicting overwhelm, frustration and stress on ourselves. 

Learn to let things go and realize changing opinions does not mean you've lost but instead you are willing to grow! 

Image: Pixabay.com JohnHain

by Aleasa Word                                                                          Copyright 2017

Monday morning comes and offices all around the world are filled with the aroma of coffee. Whether it's coffee brewed in the office, brought in by caterers or employees showing up with their individual cups of java from their most popular spots, coffee is a staple in the workplace. For those not working, it is often seen as part of the daily morning regimen as well.

And why wouldn't coffee be something people love to drink over and over again? From the old school coffee pots to the single serve brewers it comes in so many flavors, one would be hard pressed to ever try and name them all. Even older teens and college age students rely on this brew of golden wakeup juice to get them moving and keep them moving.

So with all of this great stuff about coffee, what could be so bad? In all honesty, I personally have nothing against coffee and definitely indulge myself a couple of times a week. Now, besides the obvious issues we've heard for years regarding the impact of high doses or long term usage of caffeine, no one is really worried about anything right?

Well...there is that one thing no one wants to talk about. It's the thing that seems to be a taboo but we all have noticed at some time or other. Many of us have experienced it ourselves and it's not something to be proud of no matter how often it happens or how normal it SEEMS. What's worse is no one will want to talk to you about it and you may go years never knowing YOU are the one it impacts most and everyone is talking about.  It can even turn a really great conversation with co-workers, clients or prospects into an unpleasant one.

That one sneaky thing is bad breath! Yes, I've said it. This seems to not be a secret when we think about the jokes comedians have made; however, when it comes to ourselves we really need to check our own reality. It's been said that coffee has a higher sulfur compound therefore this would most certainly contribute to drying out the mouth and causing bad breath. The trouble is though that many do nothing about it. In many cases it becomes a highly offensive issue especially when the offending parties have a diet rich in foods that could affect their breath or have dental or digestive issues that could do the same. 

Why does this matter you ask? For many who are highly sensitive to smells, this can create a conversation nightmare. In a brief poll I did of 20 people about this topic, I asked the question "what is your opinion of a person who has chronically bad coffee breath?" Their responses were below:
A) They don't care about themselves (low self-regard for hygeine)
B) They have some sinus condition that prevents them from smelling or tasting the aroma in their mouths
C) They're usually the ones to avoid and have as many email converstions with as you can to avoid the smell
D) There is no one at home honest enough to tell them they have a problems
E) They must have dental issues

The sad thing is that the majority of those asked selected A or something similar to that as their first response. Certainly, not all people with breath issues walk around with lack of caring for themselves or low self worth. It is interesting; however, that this is how these people were received. For many the halitosis issue could be greater than coffee and dental hygiene can cause a lot of other issues. 

Aside from other dental issues, something simple as correcting coffee breath can make big difference in your workday, work life and even relationships with co-workers in general.  Some may still say this doesn't matter, but it does. In business everything matters. Sadly, your coffee breath may be the matter that causes those who need to pay attention to a great presentation to turn away. Hygiene issues are always tough to discuss; however, they have a great impact when not discussed.  

​Photo: Pixabay.com Geralt

by Aleasa Word                                                        Copyright 2017


A lot of parents talk fondly about the day their kids grow up and go to college or get a job and place of their own. They fantasize about what it may be like to not have to clean up after their kids,, watch them waste or not appreciate things and so on. Sometimes I look at parents who express these statements and wonder who they think they are fooling with their delusion of grandeur.  Unfortunately, many of today's kids will be no more ready to be on their own at 18 than they would be at 8 because they simply aren't prepared. 

I would be silly to suggest that at 18yrs old I was fully ready to take on the world and take care of myself all at the same time. I will say, however, many in my generation were much more prepared to face the challenges life brings than kids of today. We had to learn our social skills and resiliency from real life experiences and not what we read on a blog, chat, twitter party or internet site. We took classes lime home economics that taught us simple things like sewing a button on a shirt. I had no idea the importance of this until I met someone a couple of years ago who told me they throw shirts away when that happens because they cant wear them with a missing button as if somehow the button is not replaceable.  This particular post was inspired by a conversation I had with my 14yr old who told me many of her friends didn't know how to do their own laundry or if they did their parents still did all of it for them and they had no idea how to cook anything. This floored me that parents don't feel it's in their kid's best interest to learn real responsibility for themselves  especially those who have been divorced because they were married to momma's' boys or spoiled rotten women who were never happy.  NEWSFLASH cupcake....if you're one of the parents I'm writing about you may be raising your child to act like your ex or some other person you know who is entitled and ill-informed about how to take care of themselves.  

The defense I hear from many is that they don't want their kids to grow up like they did. The question I ask is "do you want them to grow up at all?"  Learning how to be responsible for themselves needs to happen at home an not just when they go off to college. They need to know how to cook basic stuff so when they only have $10 to their name they can make it stretch by cooking a pot of spaghetti or chili.  They need to learn to be self-sufficient so those same parents aren't complaining when their adult kids can't seem to get their lives together in the very near future.  

Letting go of your child's childhood can be tough for parents. We learn to be needed and when that need doesn't seem to be as strong many can't deal so well with it so they create situation where the kids still need to be dependent.  I've learned from my oldest son that no matter how old they are, they will need you for something. So don't fret parents, please let go a little and let them grow up. Trust me, when life gets tough, they will always know where to find you. In the meantime continuing to have them depend on you for everyday basic needs as they age is unhealthy. The excuses "they don't do it right, they take too long, I don't want my washer ruined,etc" are just that EXCUSES.  If we take the time to slow down and show them they will get it right. I'd rather my kids mess up with me then go into the real world and mess up with people who don't possess the same love I have for them. Just a point to consider......let them learn from you.


Photo: Pixabay/Coffee

                Copyright 2017                                                                 Aleasa M. Word

​The most successful people almost always seem to have an amazing story that chronicles the trials and tribulations they faced pushing through life to get to where they are. They have an ability to push far beyond the point where others would have surely quit. Somewhere along the line we could all benefit from learning that quitting is simply a bad idea that we learn early in life and need to unlearn.
 
Today I’ll offer some quick tips on how you can keep on going even when the road gets tough.
 
Ask yourself why you feel like quitting is the answer:

• You don’t feel like it. So many of us push ourselves to the point of exhaustion yet want to call it productivity.  No matter if it is physical or mental energy you exert, the body needs time to replenish its resources.  Many find themselves drained and this is a reason they find themselves quitting things unnecessarily.  Beat the exhausting by getting a good nights sleep and controlling your schedule better. Simplifying your life is also a must and remember energy comes from foods. Eating right is essential. Also, learn to be flexible and take some you time so you aren’t rigid and ward off stress.

 

• Your mind strays.  Today we live on a superhighway of information. There are so many distractions it can be hard to stay focused on things. When we have too many things on our plate, it can feel like we need to quit. Overcommitting yourself can lead to major overwhelm. Goals are great but some people set too many in too short of a time frame and we aren’t all build to function that way.  When this happens it’s good practice to take a few things off the plate and focus to completion on others. .
  
  
• It lacks importance to you. Do you get bored quickly? Some who do have a hard time being successful because they don’t have the sticktuitiveness to keep going. Remind yourself of what your original goals were. Think about those who may learn from what you have to offer if you stick to it?

 
 Finally, it’s important for you to try and understand why you have the desire to quit. It’s natural to want to quit. And most people do. Will you be one of the few that’s able to persevere? Sometimes it’s just a matter of getting up, brushing yourself off and moving forward despite how you feel.
  

• Think about your purpose. Are you motivated? If it’s not, it’s time to find a reason to get hyped again. If you can’t think of one, that might be a sign that you should be doing something else. But don’t give up too quickly. Look deeply. You’ll almost certainly find a compelling reason to continue.
  
  
• Small milestones matter.  Wins are motivating .  When tryin to reach your goals, it’s important to set yourself up for regular wins along the path. This way your forward movement feels better. When it feels good it’s easier to keep going. You will make it to the end but celebrate while you’re trying to get there.

 

• Keep your eye on the prize.  It’s obvious you may stumble but keep your eye on the prize and your stumbles will be learning blocks on the journey.  Focus on the fend goal and you can keep motivating yourself regularly.
  
  
• Create a schedule . Once your motivation begins to fade it’s easy to lose track of your goal. Other activities seem to take over your schedule and it becomes easier to procrastinate. So, make a schedule that will ensure you stay engaged. Make time so you don’t have an excuse to quit.
  
  
• Picture you quitting.  Quitting sounds like a plan when you let your feelings of failure or overwhelm take over; however, we usually regret doing it later. How will you feel in a week, month, or year from today if you let yourself quit?
  
  

The saying when the road gets tough the touch get going really has aa valid meaning.  No matter how strong your desire is to quit, think about why you wanted to do this in the first place and what the end will look like once you actually reach your goal.  Tenacity is a great indicator of success. It shows you can self-motivate and that is a key trait of a leader.  You will eventually succeed but you must keep going. 
Photo: Alexis_Photos / Pixabay