Breaking the Cycle of Abandonment in Families

Photo by Nuno Alberto on UnsplashAleasa M. Word     Copyright 2013    All Rights Reserved

Too many children walk around in the US knowing or living with only one parent. Two parents homes just aren't the norm like they were back in the 50's, 60's or even 70's. Single parents work tirelessly to keep food on the table, clothes on their backs and a roof over their heads.  The emotional needs of the child often go unmet because one person simply can't do it all. For those who even attempt to do it all, they are too exhausted to even enjoy the time spent with their children.

What happened to the days where the male uncle or cousin stepped in to fill the gap for the absent father? What about the older brothers who had it rough but vowed to never let that happen to their little brother or sister? My have times changed! Is it because we live in such a transient society and families are all over the place? Could it be because we've become so lazy we've learned to relax the standards so much we are too tired to care? Or is it we are lost because work hours are long, commutes are long and productivity is expected beyond levels of normal human ability?

With all of these things going on how do we stop the cycle of abandonment our children continue to live through generation after generation? Those same uncles that used to pitch in have gotten older and the next generation hasn't picked up the torch. The big brothers who swore they'd never let their younger siblings feel the same pain they felt have forgotten what it feels like to be pushed to the side, forgotten about and treated as an afterthought - thus doing the same things themselves to their own siblings.

The cycle of abandonment is like a never ending curse in some families always producing the same negative results. Each generation naively says "it stops with me" yet we see it doesn't.  If you are ready to stop the cycle and truly do something about it, check out these tips on how to turn abandonment into banding together for families.

1. Save promises for things YOU are absolutely sure you can deliver on.  Stop disappointing children, wives, 
    husbands, etc. with empty promises that end up in a bunch of I'm sorrys over and over.

2. Schedule time with young people so they KNOW how important they are to you and make sure to
    eliminate distractions or interruptions.

3. When you apologize mean it and then DON'T DO IT AGAIN when you've messed up.

4. Be accessible.  Make sure to answer phone calls or text messages when young people contact you and
    teach them to do the same.

5. Practice AND Preach accountability.  Take responsibility for your actions and make the necessary
    changes.

6. Build Trust.  Young people who are often disappointed in adults learn to NOT trust them as a defense
    mechanism.  Keep your word, mean what you say and any time not spent should be made up for.

7. Take your time.  Time is your friend when it comes to building and maintaining relationships with young 
    people. Don't try to push them or assert your authority when you aren't sure what to do.  Relax and think
    through how you would feel if in their shoes.

Girls who feel abandoned seek out someone to fill that space often selecting the wrong mate. Boys who feel abandoned learn to NOT trust and end up with relationship issues due to their emotional unavailability.  Raising kids is not an easy task, nor is mentoring them.  One thing for sure is that consistency speaks volumes and this is the easiest way to break the abandonment cycle. Stay consistent even through challenging times and you will teach kids to NOT walk away from their problems or responsibilities.