It's no secret that getting a woman to reach orgasm can be a lot more complex than it is for men. Unfortunately, this causes some men to feel a lot of pressure when performing. Instead of enjoying themselves, they become more concerned with how to satisfy their partner. Unfortunately the worry is contagious, and women can pick up on it pretty easily. In turn it makes them feel just as stressed about reaching the big O, which of course makes getting there even more difficult.

The last thing you want to be is anxious when you're trying to be intimate with your partner. It's supposed to be enjoyable and a way for the two of you to connect in one of the most personal acts there is. Luckily, there are a few ways you can relieve some of the pressure so the two of you can let the feelings wash over you, rather than the worries.

For starters, don't think of sex as the pinnacle of the night. Instead, try and make the focus of the evening more about relaxing. Taking turns giving one another massages with oils and scented candles will melt away all of your worries. Living Healthy 360 points out, it's also great foreplay for helping you both get in touch with your bodies. If things get a little heated later, the increased toughing will have you both already tuned in to what feels good—and where. Best of all, you'll both be so relaxed that you'll easily be able to stay out of your heads, and in the moment.

You could consider bringing a toy into the mix. The biggest problem men have with toys is that they think it means they can't satisfy their partner, but the opposite is actually true. While you're probably perfectly capable of satisfying her, a toy alleviates some of the responsibility for making sure she reaches orgasm.

Of course you'll want to discuss the idea with her first to make sure that she's comfortable with it, but I'm guessing it won't take that much convincing on your part. According Adam & Eve, "A vibrator is now considered an essential item for many modern women." They're also perfect when you don't have a lot of time. It can help your partner reach orgasm faster, so she can enjoy a quickie as much as you.

Finally, it's important to remember that orgasms don't necessarily equal intimacy. In an article from Women's Health, the discrepancies between men and women in the bedroom are known as "the orgasm gap." Most women in relationships only orgasm about 80% of the time compared to their partners, but what's interesting is that many of them are fine with that. In fact, a lot report being satisfied knowing that their partner is satisfied.

Now, while this isn't to say that it's OK for only the men in relationships to reach orgasm every time, it's important to remember that sometimes, the act is more about being together, rather than reaching a goal.

If you're feeling pressure while intimate with your partner, the best thing to do is talk to them about it. You want to be able to share such a personal act with them in a caring, loving way, and that's hard to achieve when you're anxious. After talking about it, the two of you can work through it together. At the very least, you're sure to have some fun trying!

Copyright 2014          All Rights Reserved
                by Aleasa M. Word 

I don’t know about you,  but I was very agitated about the petition that was going around about Beyonce’ and Jay-z’s daughter Blue Ivy a week or so ago. Then I saw more news about Willow Smith and something about R. Kelly’s daughter becoming transgender.  The comments on facebook and twitter were downright vile. It’s amazing to me that these adults could be so ugly about someone’s children when if faced with someone talking about their own children they’d be ready to set the world on fire.

Starting with Blue Ivy, who by the way, is adorable as she can be…..why is natural hair a problem?  I’ve been natural for 5 years.  I’m sure this baby’s hair has been washed and conditioned but because she doesn’t conform to having ponytails pulled tight enough to ruin her edges, a Brazilian blow out, flat iron or chemicals that could damage her hair for good there’s a problem?  Surely if there were a real problem someone other than a nosy non-fan would have noticed long before the silly petition went up.  I couldn’t imagine anyone telling me how to do my daughter’s hair.  How I do my daughter’s hair is my business and I’m sure not everyone agrees because she is often kinky curly natural, but she’s clean, her hair is clean and she’s not neglected just like this baby isn’t.

As for Willow Smith, I can’t say I would do everything Will and Jada allow with their kids, but who am I to be the Smith police on parenting?  Who are any of us to do so?  Recently, it was reported after a picture of her with a 20 year old actor in what appeared to be a bed which was some kind of photo stunt that child services  ended up involved with.  I am not a fan of this scenario BUT the attacks I saw on the child directly were terrible.  If any questions need to be asked, they need to be asked of her parents. She is 13 years old people.  As for child services, no one knows the entire story except the people there but they found nothing wrong.  How many of us know of people having family members abusing their kids, neglecting them in some way or even hiding money to avoid child support an turn your heads? How is it that a celebrity’s child rearing is our responsibility but that of our own families and neighbors isn’t?

Finally, as for R. Kelly’s daughter, I can only imagine that child has a hard enough time dealing with people in her immediate circle  so why are people who don’t even know her commenting? Some say it’s karma because of what R. Kelly himself was accused of with young girls, but honestly whatever the situation just remember that his child has feelings and so does her mother. 

It amazes me how so many somehow believe once a person reaches celebrity status they are no longer entitled to the human right of having feelings and a life.  They have trials and tribulations just like us.  Because they’ve reached the public eye being under the microscope comes with the territory but who says you or I have to be the scientist watching? Are we so disengaged in our own lives that all we can do is live through the live of others, taking joy in their pain? How did society become the authority on what to do with kids when most of us are sometimes barely making the right choice when it comes to our own?  There’s always this comment “well if it was me…” Well guess what, IT’S NOT YOU!  Yes, if there is abuse all parents need to be held accountable, but what we see in the media is usually a portrayal of half of a story and people buy in making go viral while it turns out be a bunch of fluff in the end.

To all the people who are taking care of their own kids, minding their own business, I take my hat off to you.  To the celebrities doing the best they can with their kids, keep ignoring them like you usually do. And for everyone worrying about someone else’s business, I challenge you to look in your own mess and find out what issues you can tend to on your own farm like getting a job, taking care of your kids, finding a stable healthy relationship, paying your bills, running your business, etc.  Because while you’re worrying about them, your own weeds are continuing to grow.