If I see one more post about a resolution turned 2020 vision, I think I'll scream.  Year after year people create resolutions that usually end within the first 2 to 3 weeks of a new year. I often wonder why people put themselves through this relentless torture year after year. What are they hoping for? Do they think that somehow, magically they will stick to the resolution if they keep making it over and over? I call that a person searching for fools gold! 

The only way to truly do something different is to create a new way of thinking, living and behaving. You must find a way to develop new habits that stick. The funny thing about people is in order for us to do this we must change. With change comes a feeling of loss. With a feeling of loss comes the potential to instead stick with what we know. Why do I say there's a sense of loss? Well let's just think of weight loss for example. You want to lose the weight. You need to lose the weight. By losing it, you'd gain so much in return. You'd feel better, be able to fit the clothes you've kept in your closet for the last 20 years and you may even ward off some health issues by doing so. So with all of those wins, where is the loss?  The loss is what you feel when you try to take on a new eating habit and put in the work for exercise. You will lose the comfortable way you live. You will lose what is sometimes felt as control over eating because now you may feel food controls your life as it has decided how your body will or will not look. You may feel you've lost control over your schedule because now you have to figure in exercise daily. You may feel as if you are no longer comfortable because you are losing the comfort foods that you may have even grown up with. You know the ones....that special pie mama made yo when you felt sad. 

Honestly, the losses we perceive aren't necessarily bad losses. Sometimes those habits and limiting beliefs are what keep us in the same place year after year. We feel we are winning because we THINK we are in control when in fact our habits and behaviors are controlling us. The thing to do is flip your reality. Go back to my weight loss example. Instead of thinking you are losing out on mama's special pie, why not set a time of year when you can have a slice and work to get your body in shape to the point that one slice won't hurt you. You win! You'll look good and get your favorite treat but you get to work towards it. The same can be said about the clothing you have. You'll lose enough to get rid of the old and pick up a new wardrobe or slip right back into the one you used to wear. 

The possibilities are endless when you think this way. You must build a relationship within your self about your vision or you my friend will instead spend your year simply waiting on fools gold ! 

​Disagreements are as common as clouds in the sky. They happen between couples, families and even strangers. Even best friends have them and they can sometimes get ugly. Even the best people have disagreements that can turn into arguments.  Then, sadly there are also people in the world that seem to enjoy being difficult. In a climate where everyone has an opinion about how other should act, it can be very challenging to assert yourself without creating additional drama. Learning good conflict resolution skills can make a world of difference for people. 
 
Unfortunately, not everyone does well dealing with their own emotions let alone those of others we interact with.  Most of us are so uncomfortable in contentious situations that we either walk away or become angry and escalate the level of argument. What if you could resolve it instead?
 
Whether your disagreement is with a spouse, coworker, or neighbor, there are strategies you can use to find a resolution, or at least avoid an all-out war.
 
Healthy conflict resolution is a terrific skill to learn. 

Try these tips diffuse conflicts and arguments: 

1. Clean Your Lens. Sometimes, what seems like a disagreement is simply a miscommunication. Make sure you clearly understand what the other person is saying. Ask clarifying questions about the situation. Also, be certain that the other person understands your position.
   
   
2. Pause. Give yourself and the other party a mini time-out. Go grab a cup of coffee together or a snack.  Spend some time together doing something enjoyable. You both might forget all about your argument while enjoying a hot fudge sundae.
   
   
3. Ask yourself if  why it’s important to agree. Reaching an agreement on a personal issue like having kids might be important to you. Agreeing on which political party is better might not be as important. Sometimes there are difference that won’t affect a relationship with other and that’s simply ok to let them remain differences. Be sure that the disagreement is worth continuing.
   
   
4. Don’t take it personal. Once your ego is involved, it’s much more challenging to resolve the conflict. Likewise, avoid attacking the other person on a personal level. Stay on task and lower the stress levels.
   
   
5. Use the inside voice! . As you get louder, the other person will become more agitated and increase their volume as well. Maintain a calm, reasonable tone of voice.
   
   
6. Listen to hear not to respond. The most common thing to do while someone else is speaking is to think of what you’re going to say the second they stop. You can’t formulate an appropriate response and listen effectively at the same time. Focus on what the other person is saying while they talk.
   
   
7. Body language is still language. You might not realize the message you’re inadvertently sending to the other person. Non-verbal communication is still communication. A large part of communication is nonverbal, so your gestures and facial expressions are meaningful.
   
   
8. Step away if the situation spirals out of control. You don’t have to stand there and take verbal abuse. Be willing to walk away and resume the conversation at another time when cooler heads prevail.
   
   
9. It’s ok to be wrong.  No one is right 100% of the time. If you realize that you’re wrong, admit it and move on. Apologize. Offer a solution to the situation.

 
Any disagreement can quickly get out of hand, potentially damaging your relationship with the other person.
 
Having a productive disagreement is a skill. Take the time to ensure the disagreement is worth continuing. Listen carefully and clarify what you say and hear. You might find that you don’t have a disagreement at all!
 
Disagreements are part of life. Learn how to handle them effectively. Place your focus on finding common ground and discovering a resolution that you both can move forward with.

Photo: Unsplash