When You Want to Give Up but Your Spirit Won't Let You!

Copyright 2014      Aleasa M. Word       All Rights Reserved

A while back life really had me down. Financially things were awful and I was stressing a lot about my employment situation.  I’d gained a lot of weight and couldn’t figure out how to get it off or even how it got there.  I looked a mess and for someone who normally prided themselves on appearance it just wasn’t me.  I knew others were wondering what was going on but they wouldn’t dare ask.  My coaching practice wasn’t where I wanted it to be and I was dealing with a lot of health issues with my daughter. 

On top of everything else, someone from the past who never meant me any good decided to show up because in their mind they thought I had a lot of money.  Funny thing about appearances…they aren’t always what they seem. My mom always told me even if you have nothing but lint in your pocket you should look like a million dollars. But how did I look like a million to someone who wanted something from me but look like 10 cents to those who knew me and saw me falling apart?

I had enough of trying hard to make it . I had enough of being strong and wanted to break. The only problem was my spirit wouldn’t allow me to. I’d been through so much worse in my past but this seemed insurmountable. Yet still I couldn’t break even though I broke down often.  I realized that even wanting to, I wasn’t going to break because of my financial situation because somehow each day I kept getting up and functioning the best way I could though this was really tough.  It wasn’t like before though.  I’d always been able to rebound somehow from tough spots but this was a really hard one. 

All I could do was rely on the faith in God that was instilled in me from my childhood. Honestly , I didn’t have anything else left.  Some days I wondered where the gas money would come from and where the food would come from the next.  All of my colleagues saw me as the same person I’d always been except bigger and maybe stressed from a full plate but generally the same.  My best friend checked on me regularly because he knew me well enough to know something was really wrong.   

After a while things started getting better but don’t think it happened overnight. Rebuilding from nothing is a process and one which we can’t take lightly. There were setbacks after setbacks and I kept wanting to give up. But then I’d ask myself what did giving up mean?  What would that look like? More than likely I could probably give up for that day knowing tomorrow I had to keep pushing.

I know this sounds familiar to someone out there because nothing we go through is anything someone else hasn’t already experienced.  I encourage you wherever you are in your journey to keep pushing.  Bill collectors will be here until the day we die, but don’t allow yourself to die too soon from the stressors that are in your life. No matter how hard it is, just hold on. Hold on to your faith and the knowledge that tough times don’t last always.