A Real Cry for Child Support from Dedicated Parents

Copyright 2014            Aleasa M. Word           All  Rights Reserved                     
              Re-posted from 2011 Wordallogic "It's Not All  Money"

Rush hour hit and I walked out of the office glad to see the end to another busy day. As I joined the hustle and bustle of people on the street I began to hear a woman’s voice yelling towards my right side. I glanced over and see a woman screaming at someone on the telephone. It was obvious after a few minutes the person on the other end is a significant other of sorts. She continued on the same path as me; however, trying  not to listen, I still pieced together the conversation. It appears her child’s father is stringing her along in an effort to avoid her taking him to family court for a formal child support order. Eventually he hung up on her in disgust because of her ranting.

As she walked silent, obviously embarrassed  as her eyes darted to and from my direction.  I stopped,  looked her straight in the eye and said “It will be ok, I’ve been there and it’s not an easy place to be.” She looked into my eyes first as if to say mind your own business and then saw I was speaking from the heart. At that point tears began to fall and she said “it’s just not fair, it’s just not right.” I told her it would be fine but for right now I knew it was tough and eventually she wouldn’t even need the money. She said it was about more than that and I looked at her in realization that I really had been where she was.

We continued down the same street and she called him back over and over. Each time she called she would scream into what seemed like voicemail only to call right back and complete her message because it had cut her off.  How I wish had $100 in my purse at that very moment; because, I literally would have given it to this stranger who was obviously in a desperate situation.

I thought about a friend of mine in New Jersey who is a great father.  He is young, still enjoys life to the fullest, but when it comes to his son the world stops. He didn’t come from a great home life but wanted to make sure his son learned right from wrong and didn’t have to live like he did. He even turned around his life in a way that he took what he knew and turned it into a business to make sure he had the income he needed to not only survive for himself, but provide for his son no matter what.

Many often ask what the difference is between the parent who provides and the one who doesn’t. Or the parent who creates drama and the one who doesn’t. Could it be their personality make up, their God given drive? Could it be the support system they do or don’t’ have? Or could it be survival based fear?

Either way one thing rings true in both stories. The one person who is affected most by this is the child. If that mother or father can’t pay her electric bill the child suffers. If she or he can’t pay for childcare, they  can’t work and the child suffers.

The male on the other end of that phone call probably tuned her out because many of us women (not all) go on endlessly until our voice just becomes noise and the males in our life lose site of what we are trying to say. The young man I spoke of ignored the noise of which he still has to hear from time to time.  He focuses on his child instead, giving everything he has for the benefit of his son because he knows it’s not about him.

The lesson here, is that the parent’s cry becomes the child’s cry. If the parent isn’t ok, the child isn’t ok. If the child grows up messed up the jury is out on what effect he or she will have on the next generation until that time comes. Whether or not we are talking about child support, emotional support of some other dynamic the key word is support! Everyone needs a base to rely on.  One thing that rings true, is as a people we need to support one another in every way possible and see through the noise. It is when we step outside of our own frame of reference that we see the entire picture and hopefully human compassion wins over selfishness or pride.

*Thanks to my friend Jae for inspiration from a great young father!